Monday, February 26, 2007

intimacy issues.

muse was awesome, although i yawned throughout the first half of the show - standing behind underaged girls screaming, "MATT I LOVE YOU! TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!!" really didn't help much. but once they launched into Starlight and Plugin Baby it was just mindblowingly AWESOME. of course, you can't compare this to incubus. but in a way it was nice to let loose, to not think about how just a few minutes before it started i was feeling all queasy about being in such a compromising situation.

i hate stupid emotional rollercoaster rides!
with work being stagnant, and coming to a dead, almost dusty end, all i can wish for is for next week in new york to be a total blast.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Friday, February 23, 2007

losing my mojo.

i am a horrible, horrible person.

there he was, pouring out his feelings for me on a yahoo window, and here i was, looking anxiously over my phone for that instant beep of a message from the person i wish would really like me back.

what do i do what do i do???

Friday, February 09, 2007

ying and yang

fairuz just left my place.
he came over to transfer 'the science of sleep' from my computer to his external hard disk.
we sat over expensive coffee in ss15 earlier and talked about war museums in phnom penh, diy, and me getting shortlisted for NYU's Film Graduate Programme.

i'm one of the 90 shortlisted applicants from a total of 700.
"you've come a long way," susan carnival from Tisch School of the Art says on the telephone.

for a while yesterday i could not breathe.
l'oreal, maybelline, coke, tv3, ups, mastercard, cathay pacific. more chunks of meat. more responsibility. more expectations.

"you don't want to have ownership over your work. and silence means admitting to guilt."
"you're not helping out, you're of no use, you're not contributing. are any of these traits positive?"

"you really have to push yourself because i can't keep doing it for you."
says my ACD.

i don't know what i want.
i want to be great in what i'm doing at the moment, and at the same time i want to pack my bags and leave for new york.

:(