Monday, June 30, 2008

falling apart, once again.

I found this while I was killing time this afternoon.

No, I didn't stay long to talk to Amir Muhammad, after the screening. Adem left earlier anyway, so it would have been awkward. Nevertheless, amidst the angry tears just an hour before it went on (because I was being a total brat about my boyfriend being late, and unable to tear himself from work to come fetch me from home) it was a great feeling, watching 'Tengah hari/Sepetang Bersama Awek Bertudung' (as Amir Muhammad dubs it, I don't recall exactly) play in Help Institute after I'd given up after sending tape, after tape, after tape there. 3 years was definitely worth the wait.

Now here I am, by myself trying to pick up pieces again. Why do I fall and break so easily when he leaves me at the door? I guess it's just that I've fallen into that comfortable spot again
, knowing he is there within reach and is a physical, tangible presence rather than an offbeat, muffled voice at the other end of the line.

I wish I could be stronger with a faster recovery period.


Ugh, just shoot me for this overload of cheesiness.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

5th unproductive week.

Urbanscapes was a total blast. I think I definitely managed to catch most of the acts/bands that I wanted. It didn't bother me that my puny film was shown on a tiny tube tv with uncomfortable cardboard box seats either. It was a hot, humid day, but lots of fun with really good company, and my lovely "today, I'm at your disposal" boyfriend.

I choose to be in this little bubble of happiness, rather than dwell on the fact that the political climate of the country is changing so rapidly as everyone gets ready to embrace the next great depression... as immature and ignorant I may come across as, I just need to believe there's still some hope, some goodness, and a tiny glint of brightness at the end of the line for me, for all of us, hence not wanting to thread unchartered territories beyond the borders of my rainbow filled, plastic bubble world...

Well if there isn't then the only salvation would be knowing that there will be much more in the afterlife, and God has made it so.

It makes me almost sad that the couples I've grown to know around me have broken up, and drifted apart. It's heart wrenching, although I'm sure they had absolutely logical reasons as to why they chose not to be with their (ex) significant others anymore... but. Well. Maybe it's just me and my ballooning optimism and idealistic theories when it comes to love. OR. Me wanting to know that what I have right now is mine to last, and hold for long.

My boyfriend hates me being corny, but he doesn't read my blog (out of choice), so here goes. This is an amazing, breathtakingly beautiful song and I can't believe I've never discovered it before.

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Sia Furler -Breathe Me

Be good, people.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

odd.

Week four at home, and there has still been absolutely no progress on my second year film script. I've been pampered with good food, good company, and lots of lots of oodling time. This week I am camping over at my tiny apartment. While it's fun being able to meet my friends and go around KL, it's really lonely in the mornings, afternoons, and nights when the boyfriend leaves me at the door to go home.

Sigh. Working people always need to sleep early.

Anyways. Joy joy! 'Cure to Catastrophe' is showing tomorrow at Filmmakers Anonymous 7 (thanks to Mien) and also Urbanscapes on Saturday.. (that one I don't really care much for, since it's going to be one of the many shorts played on loop...) Tonight 'Afternoon' was screened at Palate Pallate, and will be screened again on Saturday at FoodNotBombs KL, and another time in HELP (FINALLY!!!) next Monday night... curated by Amir Muhammad!!! Let's just hope my mommy lets me stay longer... Other than that, I drove to Finas this afternoon to submit my application for a RM20K short film fund. Not only did I get lost (so much for remembering KL roads by heart) but I also finished a quarter tank of very expensive petrol... but good thing is I saw elephants! And giraffes!!! So fun!!! The last time I went to the zoo was in 2003 to take pictures of elephant butts with Zalia...

It's hard being at this transition period. I've just realized how I always like complaining that I never have time to do things for myself when I'm uber busy, and now that I do have SO much time in my hands I get clueless and start idling away... sigh.

Had lunch with Jolyn yesterday and I dropped by the KLue office... mmm well I guess it'll never feel the same like the time I was there, because people (and desks) keep being moved and changed around, I mean, how can it possibly feel the same? It's not like I miss doing shit jobs like cutting paper, stuffing envelops, making phonecalls in the 'sparkly voice' (or so Hanna calls it) but ah, I do remember that one time the whole office was sniggering and laughing like idiots watching Kelvin the Intern from Hell doing his random break dancing moves with his ipod on...

Other than that I've had a lovely time of cakes with Ben, crepe cakes with Marie and Amri, 'candlelight' dinner with Chia Chyi and Kaili, and tomorrow, hanging out with more of my nearest and dearest from MMU days... so top it all off I've had a pretty sweet week so far, despite him falling sick just in time for it to end.. I hope he gets well soon because my boyfriend is not much fun when he's sniffling more than I am.

Ta-ra!


Tuesday, June 17, 2008

head dizzy..

when I put pieces together and realize what a small, small world it is.
small. ok?

Other than that, my brains have been bursting with boredom.. I have to remind myself time really flies and I should get up and moving!!
In my oodles and oodles of spare time spent on my beloved computer and cooped up in my room, I've just discovered what a cool tool garageband is!!
ALA I CANNOT FIGURE OUT CAMNE NAK LETAK an mp3 on blogger. So setupid. I made a Ratatouille version of Across the Universe!! Now I can't share it with the world, bodoh!!!

:(

On the plus side my boyfriend is back from Phuket, yayyy!!!

Ok tu je bai.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

on the surface..

Of course everything seems hunky-dory. Being around him makes me the happiest, but at the back of my head that day still lingers, and I can still feel the searing pain. I think about it a lot, up to a point that I feel that although it's been a month, it seems almost impossible to forget.

:(


Seeing my friends I am reminded what I don't have anymore - a job. While other people are saving money, working for a future, thinking about getting property (and for many, finally getting hitched and setting up a home, and family) here I am on a long journey doing something on a whim and fancy. Not earning money but piling on debt, having the time of my life indulging in an interest which holds no certainty for financial stability... or even a future. Or maybe I just don't like being the odd one out.

Bleh (what a big WHINER I AM kan?!! bengong)

I am finally getting used to the weather, and sleeping regularly. Really that could have been the worst case of jetlag ever... but sadly my stomach still can't take super spicy food (my tongue was on fire when I had Nandos for dinner with Eida... on fire. And a bad tummy ache ensued the day after) because I've gone for so long without super spicy food. And my eyes have been allergic over god-knows-what. It's definitely not because of Gondry, because I haven't been been smothering in his fur or biting his paws since I came back last Tuesday. They've been terribly itchy and swollen. BLEARGH WHAT A GREAT WAY to spend your summer yah. Poofy eyes. Eh I mean puffy.

Other than that I have been very unproductive - been in hermitdom for at least two weeks now. Save for the weekend with the boyfriend and the unexpected shopping spree with Eida, I haven't really done anything. It's bad because I remember during winter break I got so used to not getting out of my bed, but instead pigged out, snuggled with Baby the Cat watching full seasons of The Hills, Laguna Beach, and Newport Habor (go figure) Life really sucked.

The fuel price increase is probably old news. Najib being PM is already almost stale. In other words Malaysia is not a very happy country to be in right now. It's too depressing. My plan of lying on the sand, dipping in the gorgeous gorgeous beach and diving in Perhentian with my nearest and dearest is the only thing that excites me right now (110% more fun than the family trip to Sydney next month.. but then again there is shopping and Supre...)

I miss you guys in New York... yeah you, you and you and you and you and you. I'm already sketching out deco details for my tiny box in Little Puerto Rico (thanks for the term Ummi, haaha) and missing kimchi, spicy squid udon in K-Town, iced coffee and PARFAIT!!! :(

Spread love.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

6 days..

I miss him soooo much already!