Waiting..

So I already missed my 5pm deadline to turn in my cut for my film!
I had called the chair's assistant then kene marah! Hwa!! Bodoh punya FCP render slow mcm haram!! Nasib baik it's ok to put it in her mailbox... but it means I have to go tonight, out in the freezing ass cold all the way to the city!! :(

Now, everyone watch Ahmad Idham's new movie 'Aku Masih Dara' (his 5th gazillion film this year) What the fuck is wrong with his movies?!! Haaa geram gila ok!! It makes me soooooo mad!!! The other day I got bored and was looking for a distraction, I had read in a review somewhere that his 'Niyang Rapik' wasn't exactly pure crap... so through devious means I watched it. What a waste of 90 minutes of my precious life. It is such a joke. SUCH A JOKE AND NOW NAK BUAT FILEM MACAM NI!?!?!?! Dah la it's already almost 2011, still guna teknik dubbing (dah la tak kisah pasal sync dengan the lips ke tak!! Ikut sukaaaaaa je!!!), pastu lighting semua cam gile babi hodoh, coverage -- master shot, two over the shoulders, skrip & jalan cerita macam he just thought of them overnight -- FINAS or.. wherever he is getting his funding from must immediately stop so he will stop producing craptastic bullshit films. PLEASE!!!!!!!! OMG lepas tu ada hati nak jadi KP FINAS a few months ago?!? OMG I would so mogok and stage a protest "INDUSTRI FILEM MALAYSIA SUDAH MATI" -- and put flowers in front of FINAS punya guardhouse, with a big ass condolence card.



Sorry lah, I'm totally ranting after watching this trailer. Dah la ciplak idea Nur Kasih, and as much as I want to understand that imitation is a form of flattery this is pure plagiarism. Sudah-sudahlah nak bagi 'pengajaran bagi golongan muda' by showing thighs and tits. That's enough exploitation of the women's sexuality in a Muslim country!! EEEEEEEE @$ @#%#$%$#^%#$%!!!!!!!!!!!

OK dah. Bai everyone gotta burn my DVDs. Please play that I can lepas my thesis review next week and graduate. Aminnnn.

skincare regimen 101

It's a Sunday morning and I'm MALAS and LAZY and BORED and blah blah blah blah
since Kat started posting about skincare products, I'm going to share how I finally achieved clear, pimple, blemish free skin after 26 years :)

Believe me when I say I've really tried everything on my skin and always had had to deal with dry, spotty complexion for the longest time, which was really embarrassing (especially when I was working as a beauty/copy writer a few years back!) Howevah, for the past year I've cleared my bathroom shelves free of masks, expensive creams, cleansers, toners, etc that have been eating up space, time, and purse - and truthfully my skin has never looked better!! And all I did was be a little diligent in my google searches - and stumbled upon www.acne.org and found this thread http://www.acne.org/messageboard/OMG-GUYS-THIS-t35135.html. OK, so I was skeptical at first, but it works. It does!

Here is a step by step routine:
1) Cleanser (any off the counter, cheap cleanser would do -- I use this:
I think kat Watsons ade kot yang less than RM15. Murah je. Tak payah pakai Clinique ke ape2. = $8

2) Scrub: I use baking soda. It might seem a little harsh, but honestly there is nothing better than going back to the very basics. $0.99

3) Use apple cider vinegar (plus a little water) as a natural toner = $1.69

After that, it's just some 0.2% benzyl peroxide in copious amounts and wallah!! Don't forget moisturizer and sun screen, of course (because I'm a lazy person I use a combination of both.. been using Kiehl's -- mengada2 nak try but so mahal, any moisturizer would do)

Tu je la!! And it worksssss tremendously, I wouldn't recommend anything else. But of course, everyone's skin is different, so, to each of her own!

Heheh lawak tak my first regiment entry.. kakakakkak ok la next time I write about movies, making movies and whining je la ye. Hehe.

Anyway, everyone get ready for MGMT this marchhhhh.... it's Brooklyn reprezent!!
OK now I go mandi.. nak tengah hari dah ni..

I always, always -

Have problems with my freaking American locker at school!!!
Usually after three or four tries, someone usually comes to the rescue! From my classmates to the chair of grad program, and many many more!

So today-

"Well, I practised doing this all the time in American schools.."

WHY, THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME that I'm obviously not from AMERICA!

But then again, nasib baik kau comel. And nice enough to hover next to me, "I'm going to stand right here to make sure you know how to do it."

As much as I hate to say it... yes I will miss random moments like these.
When the random cute boy strolls to help me open my locker combination!!

Le sigh.

mengantuk!

Salam Aidiladha semua!
I know it's been FOREVER since I've written anything - yes it's been a rough month!
However, needless to say that my shoot went as smooth as I'd hoped for it to be -- syukur alhamdulllillaaaaaaaaah. No major kinks, just a speeding ticket, a couple of anxiety attacks (not me, one of my producers!) and now, close to 10pm I'm still at school transcoding my footage. I got really sick last weekend (the doctor asked me twice -- "are you sure you're not pregnant? positive?" in my dire state I almost fell off the examining bed laughing -- the answer is NO LAH! gile ke hape) yes, stomach viruses SUCK. So does dehydration. Of course, stomach flu is even worse (which I've gone through before) but ok! I'm just glad I've recovered. Now to adjust my unhealthy eating habits of late -- too many takeouts and YamYams!!! (ala yang biskut panjang2 celup dalam cokelat!)

ANYWAY.
Time to roll in the color palettes, and the works!! Whopeee! There's nothing that I like better than party planning. Now this one of course will come after 'Goodbye NY, Forever - Or Maybe Later' shindig soon-ishhh.

Fill you guys in soon!
Have fun eating rendang and soto and what not!!

xoxo

Of the good and bad.

OK, because this is my blog I think I'm allowed to rant all I want.

I guess I shouldn't have been so idealistic about things... honestly, it is very hard to keep positive when problems keep coming up one after the other - and beat you down!!! So today not only did I lose a DP, two of my very good friends also backed out - for reasons that are not valid, and that I absolutely cannot comprehend.

I hate the way film school works - you work on my set, and I will work on yours. Because there isn't an exchange of cold hard cash, everything runs on barter trades. That's why I am so, so disappointed and upset with my classmates - I feel that I have been there to work really hard on their sets and now they can't be on mine... and now I am scrambling to put together a crew, and I'd be lucky if I can even fill the key positions!!! AAAAAAAGH!!!! I'm so stressed out!!

It's so dumb, I wish I could have seen this coming sooner, then maybe I would have been more prepared... I am now more wary of helping out others. It's not a very pleasant feeling when you would not think twice about helping a friend - but they won't do shit for you!!! CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS. Right now I am only so grateful that my producer (and his producing partner - both of who are also my classmates) aren't flaking out... I would be in serious trouble if they did.

I'm so sad :(

I don't know what to do!! I've had enough of New York and its flaky people.
Just frickin tired and sick of it.

:(

off to sleep this heartache away :(

ayo!

OK.. first up, Selamat Hari Raya everyone!

Sorry, I'm like a week late... well just because mine was a rather subdued affair, as always. Went to the Consulate for some sorry excuse of a raya spread, then to watch The Last Exorcism with Ummi, Nadrah and Nadi... which was the more enjoyable part of the day!

Other than that, the week has flown by so swiftly! I had auditions, made my target goal on kickstarter (thank you friends!! *hearts*) and am finally super close to script locking...!! Now, opportunity has presented itself in two ways - should I go to Cleveland next week to meet my favorite PR contestant Valerie?! Or, do I stay and not spend any money and work on my thesis? Decisions! Decisions!

:(

By the by, I have started working. This picture is of the child that I take care of from 3.30pm to 6.30pm every day. It's not too bad, because I get to decide what we get to do. So far we've hung out at the Waterfront Plaza near her school (overlooking the East River) walked around the West Village and had Pink Berry, and yesterday we hung out at Highline for some pumpkin spiced doughnuts with cream cheese icing... so it's all good. Not too bad for a job that doesn't pay my rent! Haha!

So there was a tornado which I was totally unaware of!! I had my back leaned against my window watching ANTM and felt the walls shaking and thought it was just a heavy downpour or storm... and then realized it was a tornado!!! My neighbourhood got damaged pretty bad but I'm glad I made it back to Brooklyn before the tornado tore through New York!!! Crazy!!!

Ugh, this is a random, random post. Mostly because there's just way too much stuff that I have to get done before I can go rock-hunting! Ah!! Can't wait for the month/Oct/November to end. Like, seriously.

OK. Over and out.

MY WORLD IS FALLING APART!!!

I'm so stressed and tired!!

So pooped :(
Today was also my first job as a babysitter!
But the kid is a pretty neat 11 year old, so I'm not too worried.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
raya is like the last thing on my mind right now!!!!

26 Ramadan

An old classmate, Raihana Zainudin, was involved in a car accident and passed away (along with an unborn child) We weren't close/kept in touch after school, but we were friends on facebook and she'd just gotten married earlier in the year. She was a really, really sweet person, and this should be a strong reminder for everyone - that life is so, so so short.

innalillahiwainnailaihirojiun.




RE/EDIT -
It's 11.39pm dah.. omg tiba-tiba rasa sebak gile2... kat sini berkejaran/menharapkan benda2 duniawi.. padahal persediaan utk mati belum lagi.. :( Dari Allah kita datang,dan kepadaAllah jualah kita kembali". to all ex-georgians tolong sedekahkan fatihah untuk arwah ye.. moga2 ditempatkan dgn orang2 yg beriman..

Updates..

Wow, pejam celik pejam celik, dah tiga minggu setengah jadi jobless... honestly speaking, it's great getting more than enough hours of sleep that I am usually used to. But then I'm becoming an absolute sloth. I can't really go to the gym/run/work out because it's too hot outside and I'm still fasting, so I stay indoors with my AC on and it's hard not to fall asleep during the day (something that I have never done since I started living in New York)

And look! It's 3.20am and I'm wide awake, thanks to some very strong coffee.. (thinking I was going to write a new draft of my script, but.. oh well)

So far, so good. A total of 64 backers, $2150 pledged. But I'm getting worried because I have to raise roughly $1350 to reach a total of $3500 before I can get the money. Don't know if I will get enough people to pledge. It's nauseating also because I feel that I am a very *COUGH* private person (well I mean, I'm not the type to just strike a conversation with anyone I have never met before) but I'm being taught (by my more tweetvarsable better half, of course, who doesn't speak much in real life) to be all chatty to people on twitter (add me! @wayangworks) so that I'll be able to spread the word and get more people to pledge. But still! It's very overwhelming!! For the longest time I've been wanting to keep myself under the radar because I haven't felt like my body of work is worth flaunting off but aaaaaah. Seriously I think to make it I just have to learn to buat muka tebal and angkut bakul sendiri lah. Perangai malu-malu kucing ni hasn't brought me anywhere pun kan? Haishhh.

But recently over dinner with an upperclassman who worked with John Sayles said that I should really save this whole 'filmmaking student from NY' deal and just present myself as a filmmaker. At least people will think that I am more legit that way... in some way or the other I can't help but agree with her...

Anyway, I can't deal with being jobless.. seriously. I think I've been told that I can make my thesis film a full time job, but right now my crew is still in shambles and progress is very slow. On the flipside I have two producers instead of just one now, for which I am very grateful. The whole actor situation thing hasn't worked out yet... and ok, I would tell the whole story again here, now, but I think I'm going to save him some face and skip how inefficient and unprofessional this one actor has been. It's not very cool dude... not very cool at all. The least you can do is apologize for throwing me under the bus... :( but I guess tu lah. Perangai Melayu la kot.

Another week passing by... here's to hoping things start moving a bit faster. And I am so desperate for a job. Really.

Le sigh..

Tipping over the edge

Quite literally, I must say.
Although all this overwhelming support that I am getting is truly a blessing, coming closer to production with everything still hanging up in the air is driving me off the edge!!!

I don't even sleep tight at night, I am constantly waiting for my phone to vibrate with new emails (now I am a super-paranoid chronic email checker, to say the least) indicating that I have new backers, or even hearing back from my producers and the people that I've been reaching out to.

I am so so so scared!! :( That this won't happen for some reason.. :(
It's so hard to stay positive! Maybe I'm just being anal, but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OK.
Other than that, here's some of the funny job offers I've stumbled upon:
1) Cashier at a deli for $8 an hour (12 hours each Saturday and Sunday)
2) Full time nanny for the most ADORABLE Jewish kids (those who rattle in perfect Hebrew)
3) Cashier at a burger joint
4) Personal assistant for a 30+ year old exec from the Bronx ... lots of heavy lugging and postal services for peanuts of a salary

I am hoping against hope to get this writing gig soon. If not... maknanya makan pasir lah nanti :(

Wow, kita dah puasa nak dekat dua minggu. Craziness!!!
Thank you lovelies. Especially those yang dah pledge on my kickstarter page. I heart you guys a LOT!! HEART HEART HEART!!

ok kita tidoq dulu na.

SPECIAL AND URGENT REQUEST!!

OK my lovely readers, of all ages.
As you all know and have read, money has always been an issue with me eversince I started living in New York.

Money, or rather, the lack of money.
(no thanks to my sponsors, USM and KPT. you guys can go.. hmphhhhhhhhh!)

I've always wanted to make a Malaysian film set in New York, and beginning of last year, I started visualizing a script - that would revolve entirely around the pivotal issue of money, and also the harsh realities of living in this city that never sleeps.

How living in New York has taught me - that when it comes down to it, it's all about tough
loving.

And quite honestly, the simple, animalistic need to survive.

SO. Coming to my main point.
Because I am on the verge of being entirely BROKE,
I really really need all of the support that I can get to ensure that I will graduate with a Masters of Fine Arts (Film &TV) degree from NYU... and honestly that can only happen with the help of all you!! Dear friends & family & silent readers from all across this globe...

Go to this page --

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/hujanpanas/hujan-panas-afternoon-rain-sos/

I know money is hard to come by and trust me, I would know :P
But a minimum of $5 (RM16) is all I ask from you!!

I promise undying gratitude, eternal friendship, and a pledge to help you in any way that is to my mental/physical capability (eh betul ke ni??)

Think of all the good memories and times that we've shared and I'm sure in the gargantuan amount of kindness that lies in each and everyone of your hearts, you'll find some space to pledge your support... (and a bit of cash also lah, boleh kannnn??)

SAYANG SEMUAAAAAAA!!!

MWAHMWAHMWAHHHHHHHHXOXO

What is happening to me?

I really don't know, but why do I get super pening and rasa nak pitam since puasa started?
Earlier today I had to go to the city to pick some DVDs, and eventhough it wasn't a super hot day ('twas quite nice actually, cool breezy winds all around... my favourite boots/layers-wearing season is almost here!) I felt super lathergic. (Dr A -- although you are currently on vacation, can I get a free diagnosis? :P)

So I went to the dingy basement office in Chinatown, and for $60, I can get a job working as a cashier for 24 hour weekends at a deli in Manhattan for $8 an hour. I'm not sure if I should take it yet though... :( I'll see if I can get a babysitting job or something soon (not that I have any experience whatsoever) I have been thinking and working hard for my film too (thanks for the well wishes guys!!) and I may seem calm (but I've started having sleepless nights/anxiety attacks over it though.. ) And omg, I want to hit myself for picking an actor who's making probably RM100,000 a year and is constantly shooting something! I mean good for him, but... the least he can do is give me some face time and say 'YES' or 'NO'. Ni nak draaaaaaaag along and his manager, despite seeming like a nice kid/agent in the making is potentially hopeless and does not know how to respond to emails (who uses hotmail these days anyway?) It's driving me off the wall. Like, seriously.

OK, you guys do know I'm rambling because (A) I malas nak buat keje (B) I love to distract myself from tasks at hand..
So, bear with me!

Weird story last week that I had forgotten to write about. Remember I told you guys about that kid who made me go crazy? The big nerdy kid whom I had to take care of, and produce a puny film for? Well the day of the screening (last Friday, in which I played Fake Proud Parent to two kids whose parents couldn't afford flight tickets to NY for their screening) this girl (who was in my crew the week of their music video shoot - their second week assignment, in which I produced a totally kick ass video! but, that's a different story) who's well, let's just say... is kind of booby (but she's not the type who flaunts her assets around, so I salute her for that) was sobbing out of the screening hall... I mean, I knew she was kind of a big baby, but this time she was bawling her eyes out. And later I found out that that annoying kid (the big goofy one) had dedicated a full entry on his blog (now taken off) about this girl's boobies... I mean, how SICK is that? So he was sent home before the screening even started, and I feel so sorry for his embarrassed parents... but not sorry for the kid! That ought to teach him how not to do things without thinking twice! I guess that's payback enough for all the times I've felt like socking it in his face!!! Oh before that, I totally had a Grey's Anatomy fan moment when Dr Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson) just appeared out of the elevator at Tisch that Friday afternoon. I almost squealed in a true teenybopper fashion... but being me and my awkwardness around famous people, I pretended I didn't know who she was! SO SILLY OF ME.

Hmmm.. you know I'm always regaled with horror stories of producers who give great big promises and... well I guess I got a taste of that when I was home trying to raise this crazy insane amount of money. Promises of "hey, we'll commit to this, I'll give you a writing contract soon, I believe you have all this talent... " and when it came down it: absolute SILENCE. Email after email - I was never responded with clear cut answers. I mean, if my script wasn't good enough, I think I'd appreciate at least a rejection email, but no - this was beating around the bush and not saying it out straight. I was so sad!!! I had so much high hopes that probably this could be a flourishing producer-director relationship- but, no. Nothing of that sort. The only feeling that I had was - GILA KECIK HATI OK. But then, whatcha gonna do? Just move along and deal with it - producers/exec producers/people with money are going to be like that in this business and if I don't toughen up, I might as well just stay a pensyarah at a crappy *COUGH* apex university who's administration is sloppy as hell..

OK. Random story for the day. But I've been meaning to get this off my chest. But as a result/retaliation - albeit in a very childish way - I completely didn't finish a writing job in which I was already paid for. It's horrible, but hey, for the rest of the work that I did and wasn't paid for... I believe it evened everything out.

Colors - what do you guys think? Too feminine?? Opalescent is what this theme is called!!


NO IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!! It could be colors for my future apartment..

:P

OK I'm done writing and I should be getting back to doing SOME form of work..
Laters! xo

Actually...

Macam banyak benda nak cerita sebenarnya. But it's 12.50AM and I just want to sleep. On a good note I've finally started a checklist! :)

I really don't know how I'm going to pull this off, but in the mean time.. nah, korang tengok lah ni... selamat berpuasa ya'll.. because I have lost touch with the world outside I actually terpuasa a day awal.. hahaha!! (cet, mana nak tau puasa kat sini hari khamis baru start)

Hujan Panas (Afternoon Rain) Teaser 2010 from on Vimeo.

3 days to being jobless.

OK, I am so exhausted beyond words. Trying to shoot four shorts in four days already seemed like an impossibly impossible task, but throw in four whiny 17 year olds in there, and I am this close to losing my sanity.

(and when will I ever learn not to wear Chucks on shoots? End of the day balik dengan kaki lebam and blisters. Stupid me!)

Trust me when I say that I've had to physically strain myself to not throw a punch into one kid's face. Seriously. Not only was he ignorant and arrogant - he's also of the big awkward nerdy in glasses mommy's boy kind. Macam nak lempang pun ada gak. Nasib baik aku ni ada gak rasa berprikemanusiaan tengok muka 20 sen kau. Kalau tak dah lama aku humban masuk tasik semalam kat Central Park. EEEEEE GERAM!! Degil nak mampus!!! Oh my god, I keep thinking, if I have a child as stubborn as this, what in the world would I do??

Anyway, I know I have like loads of stuff I should be doing, but today I just needed a whole 24 hours to recover.. and finally had time to retrieve my package from the post office. This bright pink gym bag came in a bright hot pink packaging nonetheless! He's bribing me to go to the gym...!! I guess that's motivation... it's horrible really, whenever I'm extremely tired I just want to comfort myself with really bad artery clogging food. Like today it was cheap fried chicken, mashed potatoes, large iced-coffee, a diet rootbeer and Kinder Buenos. Argh!!!!

Oh, btw, everyone say hello to Puji!! She's chillin there by the window in the picture. That's my new cat!! I share her with Nana, my ex roomie who lives three blocks away. She is an annoying cat who likes to bite but loves being affectionate to strangers. She doesn't stink up my room so bad, and keeps me company by sleeping by my feet at night. So I guess she's an okay kitty.

I've forced myself not to write anything depressing just yet, because today I feel very nonchalant and blase about things.. wow I would love a massage right now. Too bad I can't freakin afford it!! Sob.

wow!

shit is hitting the roof!
one bad news after the other.. seriously!
1) kene maki dgn vice consul dari Malaysian Consulate in NY
2) dapat surat from KPT saying that they will give me an extension.. without living allowance.. so, either (a) I can't shoot my thesis in September, (b) I have no money left to live here unless I find a paying job/hustle for paid shooting gigs, (c) I never graduate
3) my actor just emailed saying he might not be able to make it.. of course, when he's getting paid RM20K for a picture as opposed to whatever measly compensation I have promised him to be in my short... what would the obvious choice be for him?

nice, right?
LIFE IS AMAZING!
on top of that, it's 8.10am now, and I have to go to work... to those of you who are unaware of what I've been doing for the past three weeks - being the Teaching Assistant for bratty white 17 year olds who paid USD10 000 to be in a four week summer film boot camp.

UJIAN!!!!


:(

:(

:(

I just go in between the covers and cry all day today.

NAK BALIK BALIK :(

Hahah! Nampak cam blog baru tak? I'm using this color because it reminds me of waters in Perhentian. So sejuk and calming. Tak jadi pindah pun, if I do move blogs I will let all of you know... so don't worry!!

Bencilah, datang je the weather is sweltering HOT. It's hotter than Malaysia ok. It's like 35 darjah celcius sekarang, and I don't have AC. My roommate gave me another fan, so now I have two fans blasting in my room, but still I'm practically melting with all this dry heat. It's supposed to rain Thursday and Friday and towards the weekend, so I'm definitely looking forward to that.

My flight was horrendous, save for the amazing bibimbap!!! Severe turbulence, and bayangkanlah from 13 hours because of the turbulence jadi 15 hours. Thank goodness that I got an aisle seat on both flights (KL-Incheon, Seoul-JFK) but unfortunately for me I had an annoying woman sitting next to me in the 15 hour flight, who took frequent bathroom breaks and would just tap me harshly to wake me up so I would make way for her. Grrrrreram.

I've been waking up and hoping that I am still back home!! :( Sad ok.
I haven't had the energy to go grocery shopping or pick up my cat, maybe later... work starts early Thursday morning pulak tu. Haishhhhh. And I'm sick, with a runny nose and bad sore throat in this HEAT! How can this possibly happen!!?? (and then he has the nerve to say, "you tau tak, orang kat Sahara desert tu pun dapat cold.. ni kan New York.") OK FINEEEE.

OK too much complaining. Other than that I had few amazing weeks back in Malaysia, and I am certainly looking forward to going home for good!!!

OVER AND OUT people.
Nanti lah malam-malam sikit maybe I will be more coherent. Panas ok. (PS/neraka lagi panas. ye saye tahu! :-S)

celaru. ya, amat!

I think maybe I'll move (from this site) soon. Will keep those whom I'd like to keep in touch with in the loop. Btw, dah bermalam2 mimpi si Zahiril (alaaaa that guy, yang berlakon crite KAMI tu, dia kan yang jadi budak jahat... ni lepas jumpe that day ler.. ish tatau lah, dia tu cam budak baik gile ke, cam poyo sket ke pun ada gak dengan his red chucks) Mimpi visit rumah dia lah, mimpi dia komen2 skrip lah, macam-macam lah.. apa kes?! Whatever it is, he has to go through this vetting process la kan, cannot just cast him right away, what if he is super wrong for the paaaart?? He's so tiny in person too (shorter than me) and so damn nice (tapi muka bad boy gile) OMG! DONOOOO HWAAA

A few things have been bugging me of late. But.. ok lah, lepas dah patah semangat, demam, rasa cam dunia is on top of my shoulders, etc -- ok la let's not dwell on that... today, one of my bestest friends from New York got hitched! I am so, so happy for her. So, this post about Zahiril is dedicated to her... because last year, she dragged me and my other New Yorker friend Kat all the way back to the urbanscapes entrace to look for the guy again after we had passed him on the way back... :) Weddings are so much fun.. and emotional :(

OK tu je updates. Tulisan cam sampah, but woteva lah... nanti la tulis betul2 hokeyh.

day 7/malayland

I just got off the phone with Afdlin Shauki!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH NERVESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

OK STOP HYPERVENTILATING.
STOP IT!

day 5/malayland

This is getting really frustrating, hitting these walls.
And, I knew it.

I knew long before that I would absolutely detest being here.
I watch TV and look at people around me. And wonder how I can possibly face not being able to return to the city at all. He says I will get used to it... eventually.

Well, he's not the one calling me and making me feel like I'm wanted right now :(

ABSOLUTELY HATE IT.
Having to deal with stupid government officers/specifically orang Melayu PEMALAS who talk to me like I'm a complete moron just because I mentioned that I am still a 'STUDENT'.

At least there people treat me as an equal- you know, the devil that is America, how much you want to hate the people in the country - they treat everyone with much dignity and respect. I remember last year at my future employers' office (the so-called higher authorities at that freaking APEX university) laughed in my face when I mentioned how much money I would need to make another film, to be able to return with my degree. And also talked to me like I'm an uneducated minion fresh out of school. NO I AM NOT GOING TO KISS YOUR ASS.

Ugh, right now, nothing beats the stinking hell out of being able to walk the streets alone into my comfortable Brooklyn pad, snuggling in between the sheets with my darling new cat, Puji.

SOB.

Blah blah

The Storyteller, Part 2

A song of longing I'm hoping to use for the ending in Wasurenagusa.

8 months ago

Everytime I see this it makes me really sad :(

Btw between emotional breakdowns, splitting headaches and overwhelming stress I can't really write right now.

Can't wait for the weekend - to chill, work on a tan, watch some films at Tribeca Film Fest, read and shop for some jeans.
Later, lovers!

BUSYYYYY

SO BUSY OK!
1) endless shoots
2) hanging out with old/new friends
3) writing and rewriting my thesis script
4) meeting with teachers
5) keeping fit!!

<------- anyway, this is my first headshot assignment! (my aspiring actress neighbor across the street!)
Waiting for more to come!! :)

Okeh talk more later!
Now I am sick and hungry, but hoping I'll get to have Vietnamese later tonight! (Aishah: hint hint :P)

spring break day#3

Tengah kat ofis ni, menghabiskan logging gazillions of tapes!! AAAGHH!
But truth be told i would rather be here and finishing up my workload and earn some extra cash on the side. I think if I was on at home, I wouldn't be writing or doing work anyway... I would still be in bed, in my PJs, watching silly shows on hulu...

Sunday afternoon I went up a freaking rooftop to shoot the Brooklyn skyline. Seriously, the wind was so strong and someone told me, had I been up on the rooftop on Saturday I could have been toppled off because the winds were the strongest ever then. I remember when I was on that shoot in the Hamptons I almost fell off a balcony from the 3rd floor -- I had to man a light while the crew shot near the swimming pool on the lower level, and I had fallen asleep on an armchair so when they started screaming for me to swivel the light, I woke up, disoriented, ran towards the light and almost fell off before a classmate reached out to grab me. When you think of it, it's really dumb -- the stupid things you do in film school (for the sake of art)

I've been wanting to put up pictures from New Orleans, but haven't had the time to transfer stuff from my camera. Oh well. Soon! By the way I am really liking this tan I have, I hope it won't fade away so soon. Hehe.

There. She said it. Obsession. I've been trying really hard to resist seeing her for weeks now, she comes across as annoying but she can't say anything because that's her job. Besides she reminds of Liz Lee from MTV. So whatever. For now I have to concentrate on:
1) Changing my routine backwards
2) Concentrating on door frames, on storefronts, on people's jackets

And then I would be 50% there, so I should give myself some credit for that.

Anyway, ok! I finally saved barely enough to buy my ticket home, but I did! I guess I could have done without paying an extra hundred bucks and flown on Cathay Pacific but just thinking about how my butt will hurt (sitting 13 hours straight) from NY -->HK and the flight macam naik bus pun ade jugak, and how dirty it gets blearrrrrrghhhh I think I'll make do with Korean Air (even with the 12 hour layover) I might just take a train out to Seoul but mak saya cakap nanti sesat pastu tak ternaik connecting flight to KL. Hahah! But yes, mark your calendars lovers -- mid May I will be back home (for six weeks)

OK back to work!! It's so nice and sunny out I think I might get myself a milkshake!!!

spring, wooohooo!

I came to work in flats today! Amazing, right?!
Got back from New Orleans last Monday, I'm still super exhausted and super tanned from the trip. Will post up pictures and more later...

I LOVE CHARGRILLED OYSTERS!!! Best gile!!
I also love New Orleans!! So purdyyyy... although really sad/depressing at the same time.

OK LATERRR LOVESSS

update! PS:/I LOVE H&M FOREVER

Can't write long because mak saya dah marah-marah saya tulis blog panjang berjela tapi tak buat apa yang dia suruh saya buat.

BWEK.
I've been so tired of endless weekends of partying (because it's my last semester) and realize that my body can no longer take staying up until 4am, boo hoo :(

AND
Last Wednesday I gave admissions tours to prospective students and talked to (insert suave, macho voice) Mr Hollywood Man, "James." -- proceed with a firm, clammy, cold handshake. But I'm kind of disappointed that he's not as goofy or as aloof as he portrays himself to be (when he's playing himself on SNL or 30 Rock, did you guys watch those?? Funny kan!?) He's almost too cool for school. Whatevs!!

I'm flying OUT of New York tomorrow!! To New Orleans!! With five other people from my class whom I really, really like and get along very well with. Can't wait!!! I'm almost all packed up and ready. My flight out is 7AM, so gotta get up super early!!!

I'm getting ahead of myself now, but here's an idea --- if I have a fundraising party back home in KL, would you guys pay like, RM35 (USD10) to come?

BTW have been having really bad dreams lately. You know, you'd think that hurting in real life is bad enough as it is, but to feel the pain in your dreams -- tenfold the misery :(

Gotta run to work now, talk soon loves.
OH. I AM SO MAD I WILL BE MISSING Wani's baby shower. Benci korang!! HWAAAAAAA!!! Sedih ni :(

A couple of things..

Third week into February, time is flying fast.

A couple of things.
1. For the past two weeks, I've watched: Julie & Julia, The Hurt Locker, Up in the Air, Post Grad, The Burning Plain. Pick of the month: Up in the Air (written/directed by Jason Reitman) It's so amazingly written, and while the chances of it winning Best Picture are slim - it's so good, that I wish I could write something like that. Even the screenplay is engaging.

It's the most sad and depressing movie I've seen so far -- but I absolutely LOVED it.
The perfect film to show a man who can't COMMIT.

And while I absolutely loved 21 Grams, Amorres Peros and Babel - The Burning Plain was a great big disappointment!! To think that all four films were written by the same person. HOWEVER -- this just goes to show: a good script can falter in the hands of an inexperienced director.

2. Congratulations Kat!! I'm so, so happy for you :) Seven years is worth the wait, kan? Hopefully I boleh dtg your wedding nanti, insyaAllah :) and I know you're going to be the gorgeous, blushing bride! I miss you here jugak!!! :(

3. So after someone says I'm 'complacent' yesterday a really good friend tells me, 'you've become so jaded!' Say whaaaa---at? Great, I came to New York to not become just that - jaded, but here I am. Jaded again. Guess it's high time for me to move on to bigger, better things...

4. OK. What's the deal here? Who has been distributing my silly film around? Dah lah tak siap lagi, I still need to put in score, and have the sound reworked on... but now it's been shown around :( That's not cool... and while I am very flattered to be screened with more established directors, I'm still bummed because it's not my best work. I can't even watch it ever again, without wanting to pull my hair out... ok, let's be positive here. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe people will stop and pay attention and I will attract investors to fund my future projects... kan? Kan? Kan?


5. Yesterday in cinematography class we had a demonstration on shooting 3D. At first I wasn't really bothered because I couldn't wrap my head around the concept, but now, after understanding how it works I think it's really, really cool. Well, I mean, it's not like I'm aspiring to shoot an entire narrative feature length film in 3D, but maybe work on a cool installation video with 3D. It'll be so cool!!! Last night I also contemplated on not going to a classmate's birthday celebration. But she came to my party and I felt indebted! So I did. It was at this really cool speakeasy bar in LES - think red velvet walls, a fireplace (!!) and an uber cool back alley entrance.. well not to ramble, I'm glad I went because it was fun hanging out with friends from school :)

6. I hate feeling this way. Waking up every morning thinking that he's bored of me, and have second thoughts about what he's promised me. I'm really trying my best to hold back and give him space but it's so hard because when he's nice I become attached and I miss him even more so, and I want to call and text and make sure he's doing okay. Is it so wrong to care about someone so much? Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I think... I think it's really time for NC (which means... well, google 'break up NC'...)

7. Biggest motivation of running: THUNDER thighs. I mean, you gotta need something that inspires you to suffer through 30 minutes of bursting your lungs/torturing yourself with stitches/wanting to just curl up and scream "WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS?!?!" And fact: I run best with Britney Spears blasting out loud.

OK, I'm really just bored at work, seems like I hardly have anything to do over here when I come in during office hours. BUT! I'm super excited for this weekend!! Shutter Island/a classmate's Glitter Party!! Happiness!! So yes, there is NO REASON TO FEEL BAD. THE VOICE OF SELF-LOATHING - SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!

happy party :)

My roommate Amy and I sit on the couch, staring at all the food around us.
It's 8.05pm.

"What are we going to do with all the foooooooood?" we both whine.


Then people came streaming in and didn't stop coming until 4.30am.
Party= success!

Happy! :)

Because I should've been in Webster Hall tonight, watching Kings of Convenience live, but of course one of them had to get sick and cancel the New York shows - so out of spite I'm going to let you guys listen to one of my favourite songs of all time --- but not by KOC!! Hahaha!

I AM NOT

COMPLACENT!!

AAAAAAAAAAGH :(
So maybe this isn't the FIRST time somebody's said that to me, but I REALLY need to start working twice as hard from now on :(

Anyway, party tomorrow!! I wonder who will turn up...
Then, Kings of Convenience on Saturday night (by myself.. sobs)

Yay!!!

EXCITEDDDD

I'm going to New Orleans for a week in March!! All expenses paid..... YAYYYYYYYYYY HAPPINESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

It is for this :)

pet peeve#1

I absolutely loathe the term 'tudung girl'
Sorry, but I don't see you calling a girl who doesn't cover her hair 'free hair girl' -- she's just a 'girl'.

"I saw that tudung girl so I had to hide my beer"

"I got hassled by tudung girls today"

WTF.

It's completely derogatory, if I do say so myself.

PS/Now I know that fresh blueberries taste so much better with pancakes than blueberry pie filling from a can. Bliss on a Sunday morning!

spring part deux.. WAIT A SECOND. IT'S NOT SPRING YET.. AAAAAA

1. Benci lah. I really thought the weather was going to get lovelier... I've really been looking forward to walking out in flats and flip flops. And not having to bundle myself in an ugly bubble jacket with its popping buttons. I woke up this morning to... snow falling. Pretty, but annoying.

2. Work. I could be a lot more productive, but I find myself spending more and more time trying to organize my life than getting things done... le sigh..

3. Future plans. It's almost February, now the thought of wanting to shoot my thesis film in September scares me. Not to mention that right now it seems that all of February and March will be busy months playing cinematographer... and whatever happened to wanting to start on that feature script?! I wish I wasn't such a lousy/lazy writer.

4. I think hipsters are nice people, but I don't think I can stand being holed up with them in a bar for long periods of time :(

5. Sourgrapes moment: Sundance looks like so much fun :( I WISH I WAS IN PARK CITY!!! :(

6. Turning 26. I made a toast over a small dinner party hosted by a good friend from school - to be happier! :) It's been a week and I have been content.. and diamonds are truly a girl's best friend :) I boxed up my first and kept it cleverly hidden, because remembering hurts :( But then came along this new one on the eve of my birthday - engraved with 375 so I know it's the real deal. Happiness indeed.

7. More and more people are dying young... and of cancer :( One of my new year's resolutions: to be grateful to God that I get to wake up everyday... healthy and alive. And to remember Him every night that he's let me live yet another day.

8. I think I can stop seeing Brooke now because I'm done with the crazies.

9. I think I might want to shoot another documentary. I've always said that I don't enjoy it, but then it's the closest you get to experiencing real people and real life situations. One weekend I went to a funeral in Jersey, the next day I was in a beautiful church taping a sermon in Spanish. Then I'm somewhere in Queens following a Colombian woman dropping off her children to their physically/emotionally abusive father at an undisclosed location...

Maybe on whaling?

10. First arson attacks. Then wild boar heads. I don't get it!!!

11. Stop Apple hating please. Just because the whole world is making fun of Steve Jobs picking such a shiteous name for such a cool gadget, doesn't mean you have to get into it too... it's really lame, especially when most of them haters are probably PC users... so scmi-Pad, iPad, whatever. The name doesn't undermine the coolness of it even one bit. Sure it's got its flaws, but you have to admit it is a pretty nifty gadget to have.

12. Starting to develop this weird sleeping pattern of late. I don't know why.

13. I said I was sorry, and I'm sorry :(

14. With another 3 months of school... I'm really over it. Almost over it. Beginning to feel that I am done with this city, at least for now.

15. Teringin nak makan ketam lagi!!!

What a random post. Later lovelies. And thanks so much for the birthday wishes, I couldn't possibly reply to all but I will in time... thank you!!! xoxo

spring part un

2010! Houston! Birthday!
My heart shaped diamond pendant :)
Soon.

But first, two pictures.
23/1/2010:

i. Prospect Park, thrifting, skating, Wendy's, downtown Brooklyn

ii. my first sewing project: a boatneck tunic dress made with silk chiffon fabric bought at the Fashion District.. using the jankiest sewing machine from Urban Outfitters my sister got me for my birthday!

OK later loves, gotta leave for a film shoot in Jersey!
xo

winter blues #8

No, do not feel bad because you said NO twice today!!!
No. I will NOT feel bad.


ARGHHHH!!

winter blues #7

* une
So, what's the deal with burning churches, people?
Some will say it's political.
I will say it's the lack of proper education and the misguided conception of ketuanan Melayu...

:(
For a split second, it got me really scared. First, the whole dead cow head protest. Tak malu gile ke jadi orang Melayu sekarang? Macam orang purba... nak protest tapi guna cara budak sekolah.

Matlamat tak menghalalkan cara.
EEEEEE.

* deux
OK. Enough.
I'm DP-ing a super hipster horror short in the next two weeks. It's totally non-school related and pro-bono (why did I say yes again? Shot myself in the foot, too soon there... ok the only reason is so that I can add things to my DP reel... seems that most of the money I make these days are from shooting... not writing, directing, or... erm, cable-wrangling)

I'm going back to work next week too. WTF... whatever happened to my plans of not doing anything and laying in bed all day? :( I think I've only had maybe a good five days of that.

I am really annoyed with the way they're directing/editing BB... :( It's not like I'm anal whatever but then it's just sloppy that it gets me annoyed... I'm not enjoying this whole writing business and then having someone else direct/edit my work. Not cool.


* trois
An old friend said this to me yesterday, "so enjoy to the fullest what you have already with you right now, because it wont last....and love will find its way, it always does.." Of course, it was more long winded that that but it made me almost cry, reading what he wrote... back then, this friend would come pick me up from my hostel in Cyberjaya and we would drown ourselves in teh-ais while he lamented on his unfortunate love life.. how times have passed!

Yet we find ourselves at this point again - broken so badly by the people we love the most, and hoping that in time we will become stronger and more resilient... and believe that things get worse only so they can get better..

My heart feels a lot lighter... someone said, in time, it gets quieter. It really does.
But why is it that every single night I pray that he goes far away, and stop permeating my thoughts... he comes back, when I least expect it :(


Be good, lovers.

winter blues #6

Hari ni malas nak gi gym. Besides, later tuan si Baby will be taking her home. I'm so sad!! There will be no more white furball to annoy/play/manja-manja with for the rest of my break :( This morning she crept into the nook of my arm while I was sleeping... after that she went berserk and I had to give her catweed so she'd chill a bit. Good thing is she's been making amends with Monk, the resident cat here... but too bad she's leaving already... :(

CAT LADY SPEAK OH THE HORRORS

Btw I just bought myself tickets to warmer weather the weekend before school starts... my mission is to hunt down Rodarte for Target's mustard yellow dress in MY size... but now, now I just I wish I could get my paychecks sooner... so I can buy more things that will make me HAPPY!!!

Oh! Last week I went to the Fashion District to buy some cheap fabric to make dresses with my mini sewing machine :) Tapi I forgot that I need extra sharp shears to cut cloth... and today since I'm melepeting kat rumah I just have to wait until tomorrow to get them... le sigh.

Happy besday Minah! You are old. But people will always think you are the older sister. Hahahaahhaha!!!

OK off to clean some cat poopie.

winter blues #5

God, I'm still wide awake at 3am! :(

For the past four days I've been busy bee-ing a tourist guide to my brother and my sister in law... ok la jugak diorang ni datang NY -- takde lah bosan masa New Year's eve (party hopping plans terus tak jadi) and we walked 20 blocks trying to get into the barricades of Times Square, only to hop on the 6 train to Union Square and ushered 2010 watching Sherlock Holmes...

I think I managed to cover most touristy/non-touristy parts of the city, except for maybe laying on the grass near Dumbo in downtown Brooklyn, brunching in Williamsburg... oh and the amazing gelato at Chelsea Market because it was closed (which I don't think they minded missing anyways) We planned on renting a car for a road trip to DC/Boston/Philly tapi in the end tak jadi because we woke up super late every morning...

Here's a picture of my highlight of family bonding time over four days:
(Takmo letak gambar diorang, nanti my brother perasan glamour... haha)

Lobsters! And crabs! And I found the BEST MALAYSIAN restaurant in New York ever!!! (in the tragically hip West Village.. how ironic!)
I also got to go ice-skating at Bryant Park... which was super fun, because it wasn't too cold and it was snowing flurries.. :) I'll also be going ice-skating again with my friend/colleague Peggy later this week... yeah gotta find a bigger rink...

Two more weeks of winter break. I wonder what happened to my plans of finishing a first draft of my feature... hahaahaha. Well, we'll see..
I'm listening to a lot of this and somehow it's making me miss late nights cruising the streets in KL... or lepak kat mamak after a gig at Bangsar... or whatever lah, it's making me miss KL like crazy... :( --- although I did grow up in Penang!!! (it's an entirely different feeling... really)

Sedihlah :(

I'm on week 5 of C25K now... can't even start to think running 8 minutes straight. Mesti semua orang pelik, why am I suddenly into running/sports.. ? Well I will be turning 26 in less than 17 days, I'm just trying to keep fit... and besides, when I started I was just really angry, and it's good to have a routine when you feel like your life is spiralling downwards (in my case, trying to get over my 2 1/2 year relationship which went kaput) But anyways. 2010. Yes, I believe you will do me good, if I do say so myself :)

Congratulations to those who have tied the knot! And gotten engaged!! And have storks delivering babies on the way!
May you be blessed with long-live joy, happiness and prosperity.. (cis, cam raye cine lak)

OK the bed beckons... it's only 3 more hours before the kids wake me up for food.. :( It's hard being a cat lady ok!!!
:P

peace out y'all.

winter blues #4

2010 is already looking up :)