summer update #8

See, bila depressed, mula lah idea mencurah2. Time time tak betul pulak tu.

Ade ke Adem call me INA NAIM!?!!!!

"You ni mcm forward thinking woman.. tapi bila hal boyfriend, terus jadi 'Bang, Ina mintak maaf bang, Ina tak buat lagi, Ina janji bang! Ina nak abang balik... Ina buat ape je abang nak Ina buat.."

SIOT!







PS/ Ni baru je spec script show dah nak menggelabah tak tentu pasal. ERGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

summer update #7

Mengadap MacBook Pro, sipping Caramel Macchiato Starbucks 13 ringgit, listening to Yuna, overlooking Jambatan Pulau Pinang, pakai baju kotak, outline series bertaburan atas meja..

Prententious..
Yang.
AMAT.

Nak layan emo...
:(

summer update #6

I would never imagine that-

My source of comfort, love and happiness

could turn into
a selfish, cold blooded, god-forsaken sorry life of a being

who finds joy in hurting me in so many ways that I cannot count.


:(

yesterday I thought to myself -how would it feel like to fly?











down from a ninth floor apartment.

summer update #5

Kucing Kuantan, Snowwie.

Eh silap ni Psyanngggg (huwa i misschuuu bebe)
Here!!! Cute kan? Too bad the boyfriend tak bagi bawak balik from Kuantan. Boohoo :(


OK updates next time ok. 4 more weeks before returning to the city... SO FASTT OK.
Haih.

summer update #4

Dear Nadiah Ham... (nama kene protect ni, nanti kuar kat google search lak.. hehe)

On behalf of the LA Shorts Fest, we would like to thank you for submitting Sub Rosa for consideration to the 2009 Festival. We recognize the hard work and dedication in making a film, but we regret to inform you that your film was not selected for this year's Festival....

Blah blah blah. OK la whatever. Anyhoo I've been home for three weeks and a half now. I've met so many people and attended too many weddings already. Now it's time for some serious work (writing) But first let me mourn about how I wasn't selected to be in the commercial class.. out of 10 people they picked 8 and out of the 8 was not even me... I dono. Maybe they have something against whiny little Malaysians. WHATEVS. If tak dapat jugak I think I will do an indie study or take leave to work on someone's film. That film will have Clive Owen. Ha. Amek kau.

OK time post crite kuceng.

Psyang, I miss you so much. Nobody greets me whenever I get home... nobody nak mengekor ke sini ke sane anymore. Nobody is here to sit on my keyboard and tekan the volume button to the max while I am asleep. Nobody is here to temankan me while I try to do work. Nobody is here for me to play fetch with. Nobody is here to sibuk2 nak makan jugak while I eat. Nobody is here for me to give their paws for me to bite. Nobody is here to merengek suruh bukakkan pintu.

I misshhhyou yayang. I hope you are loved and taken care of well..

*SOBS*

In a way I cannot wait to be done with school. I spent the afternoon at the Curve with AhBenjies today and he's been making lots of $. Saving up to start up a business. I am so inspired!!! But I still have a year of school. In a way, I am also sad that New York is coming to an end (unless I plan to stay on longer) I'm also sad that my nearest/dearest have left the city for good. Who am I going to call whenever I have my silly phoner fights with my man? New York is a cold, hard place (as my friend Matthew puts it) and it helps to have people who speak in your language...BUT NOWWWWW...

Entahlah. People change and I really, really have to learn not to depend on anyone but myself.

Sigh. But the past two days I have learnt that I should not see my future (awaiting) job as a hindrance to what I really want to do. And I am excited at the prospects of coming home and starting something on my own.. I think.

Hari tu terserempak dengan idola. Tapi kenapa mesti buat loyar buruk bile berhadapan dengan orang tu? Cam la aku ni bagus sangat.. SIGGGH.
Actually nak letak gambar kucing kiut dari Kuantan (nama dia Snowwie) tapi blogger is fudgen up with me, so later la.

...

I miss you.

:(

summer update #3

When things like these happen, you get shocked. Even if you have no absolutely no connection to the victim.

Just numb, even for a split second.
And think about how short life can really be.
So there should be no question about believing in a Creator - a greater presence that controls the unthinkable.

Because when you're put in an undesired situation - such as the one above, there isn't anything else that you can possibly hold on to - except for faith.

summer update #2

Beauty shots of a buglike dancer

Lighting from the rooftop.. and then freezing my ass off.

The shot that took forever.. but which was super awesome!

Really cool director/dp, handsome Iranian men in skinny jeans and a really friendly stranger-ful crew - not too bad for 16 hours worth of free labour.. (well ok I was given 20 bucks :P)

summer update #1

Gaffing/AC-ing my first NYC music video shoot tomorrow. A Tehranian-US based band, stop motion and steadycam stuff -
PLEASE LET IT BE FUN!!!

ERGHHHHHHH

I've been rather unproductive for the past two weeks (ok sorry I didn't get that AC-ing job.. this is what you get when you want to get paid sangat, orang pun dowan to hire me! bleh!)

Now will someone please take care of the shit in this apartment for me? So penat la every FREAKING YEAR I HAVE TO MOVEEEE. I hate feeling like a nomad. Hopefully this next (yet to be found) apartment will be a bit permanent. Permanent tu macam maybe more than a year la then I have to go home already...

I hate my crocodile tears. I went to embarass myself in front of my chair when we talked about my fast track to graduating. So I'm not going to make any films next year, I'm going to concentrate on finishing my thesis script and DP-ing stuff (hopefully, if people ask me to) Other than that he says I'm getting a really GOOOD scholarship from the school and I'll know by this Wednesday. I think for sure it's not the graduate assistantship (free ride and $1700 a month) .. but whatever. All that really matters is that I will have money to come back here and finish another year of school. Whatever.

I've been trying to ganti puasa, but I really should have done it during winter when the days were shorter. Now it's like fasting for 16 hours.. I might as well finish my last six days back home. OK.

Random.

Hah. Baru ada orang nak complain. So true. My worst experience ever. I mean I'm Melayu jugak but there would be a session where we'd break into smaller groups (Latihan Dalam Kumpulan) and then be made to debate over things like:

1) Katakanlah anda diminta untuk menganjurkan latihan/workshop (whatever lah, I'm paraphrasing) pengurusan masa untuk kakitangan pejabat kerajaan anda. Adakah anda akan memilih:
A. Syarikat motivasi bawah naungan parti pemimpin, walaupun syarikat itu masih baru dan tidak pernah mengendalikan sessi latihan sedemikian
B. Syarikat motivasi bawah naungan parti pembangkang, yang lebih berpengalaman dalam mengendalikan sessi latihan pengurusan masa

It was really weird. I was totally weirded out.

Babe I know we fight a lot and I always say that I'll leave you but deep down I know I never WILL.. TWELVE MORE DAYS I CAN'T WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT.

ok over and out.

Mood: content

I am grateful.
Today I got new Nike shoes from Spike!!!

Doesn't matter that they are lime green and orange...
They were FREE! From an Oscar nominated film director!


Happy :)

:O

JAW DROP.
JAW DROPPPPPPPPPP.
(SORRY APESAL BLOGGER NI TAKDE FONT LAGI BESAAAAAAAR)

omg HI YASMIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(ergh i'm such a dork/fangirl i embarrass myself!!!!!!)

Mood: sedih

So... I'll be screening my film this Sunday.. really can't be bothered to tweak my edit or whatever... everyone thinks that I'm free now since my film is over, but I still have like 100001 homework to be done... and classes to attend... and have to think about moving out etc...

Anyway, everyone in my class will have their family/friends who'll come support them at the screening... I don't know if anyone will turn up kat sini... so sedih. Now teringat pulak dulu last summer when I had those screenings kat Annexe.. then the one kat Urbanscapes... then the one kat Help... korang semua dah tengok berjuta2 kali pun sanggup datang kasi sapot gak kan... sanggup go through traffic KL yg cam haram, sanggup datang lepas penat keje satu hari...

HWAAAAAAAASAYANGKORANGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
*sob*sob*

One more thing.. sorry tapi takbleh blahhh la orang yang suka ckp pasal diri sendiri nonstop. sabar je tau. Bukan nak mengumpat or whatever tapi cam omg you're so full of yourself. Seriously. I'm not trying to come across as holier than thou ke whatevs but then cam omg you don't even bother asking how I've been, what I've been through, what I think, etc... you just wanna blah blah blah blah blah cerita about yourself... I can only tahan to a certain extent. Lepas tu sorry beb.. I mean.. I wanna be happy for you, I WAS happy for you, tapi lepas tu I just wanna strangle you because you just won't stop...
talking about yourself.

Another thing is... nape Yasmin Ahmad don't wanna add me back on facebook... I've asked her twice tau. I sent her long emails of adoration and have told her how much of an inspiration she is to me.... tapi she don't wanna facebook fren me!!!!!!!! LEPASTU.. so tension pasal si anak Yusof Haslam buat filem "BOHSIA - JANGAN PILIH JALAN HITAM" like wtf that is the stupidest title ever... I'm sure it's an entertaining film etc... tapi lagi2 kita perlu disogokkan dengan adegan (cewah cam tulis karangan SPM BM plak) merogol/kelab malam/rempits dalam filem Melayu.. I mean, just like my classmates here with nudity/love making scenes. I mean, if it's really necessary, then yes. But if it's out of whim and meant to provoke for a totally irrelevant reason, then just make a porn film for goodness' sakes..

OK emo tak tentu pasal mesti pasal lapar.. k thx bai

Reel 2009

| Malaysia/New York



PLEASE HIRE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Weird/happy/random day.

So I had a meeting with Spike earlier today. OK, so he told me how my film wasn't super clear, how I need to reedit some scenes, how the music was overbearing, etc... but what was funny was how today my sneakers decided to bust on me... and he noticed and I think he's going to get me a pair of Nike kicks... he asked for my shoe size THREE times...even after I left he came back to the library coz I was working and asked again... it was hilarious. He is really kinda chill and funny and laidback - it was totally cool.

Now let's just hope I get them... my classmates will just DIE of envy.
HOHOHOHO.

OK but he did say he doesn't think I'm ready to direct a feature... I wasn't pissed or anything, or took anything to heart, now it's got me rethinking and reevaluating next year's plans.

Definitely does not involve an engagement, or rings of any sort :P

Random update #3

When will I ever learn that tak semestinya if kite buat baik, orang tu akan buat baik balik... So, sebagai contoh, if I am bending on my knees cleaning up, tak semestinya orang akan cakap "thank you.."

:(
FML..

PS/Hai kengkawan semua saya sampai m'sia june 3rd okeh :) MWAHWMWAHRINDUUUU!

Random update #2

So last Sunday night I was an hour late for a sit-down dinner party in the East Village. Good, fancy food of fish and potatoes, some take-out pizza for latecomers, expensive chocolate and homemade chocolate mousse later. After many conversations of school and the looming summer, my Norwegian host passed around 'Miracle Frooties'... I had absolutely no idea what I was in for, but it was mindfcuk at best... I was flavor tripping and it was AMAZING!%#@%@#%!!!!!! #!#!#!!#! Lemon and lime tasted like super sweet oranges.. balsamic vinegar tasted like syrup.. I can't even begin to describe it...

Well anyways I can't wait for these -





I soooooo want to make a children's fantasy film one day.. with an EITS film score!!!!
OK that's all.

Random update #1

Two films I watched last week at work.

woot!

Whitney totally rocks, because she always stands up for herself and doesn't take crap from Jay.
LC was always such a pathetic "I don't know who to trust!!" wimp.

And maybe it is good that I don't have enough money to go anywhere next week. At least I'll be forced to actually finish editing that damn thing.

mmm.

I've been super depressed, of late.
I am no longer working to buy myself nice things, but working to pay my bills.
I have been starving at school too.
Because a meal would cost too much.

I paid for a return flight ticket.
I will be back for the summer!
Hence the broken bank.

The weather is nice. And I think I've cried enough for the day.
I am going to a dinner party with some friends from school.

Such a pathetic, pathetic post.
But whatevs.