it is, it is.
after 8 weeks of coming to work only to stare at the computer monitor screen for 10 hours, eat by myself and speak only when i am required to, i can now proudly chant that mantra in my head without nary a doubt.
today was unproductive, long and dreary. usually my desk will be piled with countless job briefs, all to be done within two bloody days, at most. see lok came over and asked if i was okay, and if i needed to talk i could just go over his place. i was biting my lip trying not to cry while mumbling, "i'm trying to get over it." he nodded and walked away.
i said hi to a number of people. it was so superficial. i'm sure by now they can tell that i don't give a damn any more. i refuse to pretend that i'm the perky and bubbly newbie who wants to become everyone's friend.
szu lent me a book to read, "The Craft of Copywriting" and it is really fucking awesome. ok. i need to stop cursing so much. anyway yes, back to the book. the first few pages were so inspiring. in saatchi & saatchi london, around a dozen people come in for interviews each week. they hire ONE writer out of a few HUNDREDS of applicants. and here i am, whining away about how unhappy i am just because I HAVE TO EAT LUNCH ALONE?! i know i let my emo horse take over -- i keep moving from one place to the other, hoping that i would be happier in the next. until when? when will i ever be satisfied and truly happy??! when and where???!
so i am going to try to fix this.
after all, do i really need other people to reach the top? do i really need to fit in this crowd? do i really need to conform to what is expected of me? the more i let this depression get into my head, the more blurry my goals become. stop. think. and focus.
focus.
i called him up. i thought maybe we could talk, maybe he would listen.
but he chose to watch the idiot box instead of talking to me.
so why in the world do i still even bother.
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