Monday, August 23, 2010

Tipping over the edge

Quite literally, I must say.
Although all this overwhelming support that I am getting is truly a blessing, coming closer to production with everything still hanging up in the air is driving me off the edge!!!

I don't even sleep tight at night, I am constantly waiting for my phone to vibrate with new emails (now I am a super-paranoid chronic email checker, to say the least) indicating that I have new backers, or even hearing back from my producers and the people that I've been reaching out to.

I am so so so scared!! :( That this won't happen for some reason.. :(
It's so hard to stay positive! Maybe I'm just being anal, but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OK.
Other than that, here's some of the funny job offers I've stumbled upon:
1) Cashier at a deli for $8 an hour (12 hours each Saturday and Sunday)
2) Full time nanny for the most ADORABLE Jewish kids (those who rattle in perfect Hebrew)
3) Cashier at a burger joint
4) Personal assistant for a 30+ year old exec from the Bronx ... lots of heavy lugging and postal services for peanuts of a salary

I am hoping against hope to get this writing gig soon. If not... maknanya makan pasir lah nanti :(

Wow, kita dah puasa nak dekat dua minggu. Craziness!!!
Thank you lovelies. Especially those yang dah pledge on my kickstarter page. I heart you guys a LOT!! HEART HEART HEART!!

ok kita tidoq dulu na.

Monday, August 16, 2010

SPECIAL AND URGENT REQUEST!!

OK my lovely readers, of all ages.
As you all know and have read, money has always been an issue with me eversince I started living in New York.

Money, or rather, the lack of money.
(no thanks to my sponsors, USM and KPT. you guys can go.. hmphhhhhhhhh!)

I've always wanted to make a Malaysian film set in New York, and beginning of last year, I started visualizing a script - that would revolve entirely around the pivotal issue of money, and also the harsh realities of living in this city that never sleeps.

How living in New York has taught me - that when it comes down to it, it's all about tough
loving.

And quite honestly, the simple, animalistic need to survive.

SO. Coming to my main point.
Because I am on the verge of being entirely BROKE,
I really really need all of the support that I can get to ensure that I will graduate with a Masters of Fine Arts (Film &TV) degree from NYU... and honestly that can only happen with the help of all you!! Dear friends & family & silent readers from all across this globe...

Go to this page --

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/hujanpanas/hujan-panas-afternoon-rain-sos/

I know money is hard to come by and trust me, I would know :P
But a minimum of $5 (RM16) is all I ask from you!!

I promise undying gratitude, eternal friendship, and a pledge to help you in any way that is to my mental/physical capability (eh betul ke ni??)

Think of all the good memories and times that we've shared and I'm sure in the gargantuan amount of kindness that lies in each and everyone of your hearts, you'll find some space to pledge your support... (and a bit of cash also lah, boleh kannnn??)

SAYANG SEMUAAAAAAA!!!

MWAHMWAHMWAHHHHHHHHXOXO

Friday, August 13, 2010

What is happening to me?

I really don't know, but why do I get super pening and rasa nak pitam since puasa started?
Earlier today I had to go to the city to pick some DVDs, and eventhough it wasn't a super hot day ('twas quite nice actually, cool breezy winds all around... my favourite boots/layers-wearing season is almost here!) I felt super lathergic. (
Dr A -- although you are currently on vacation, can I get a free diagnosis? :P)

So I went to the dingy basement office in Chinatown, and for $60, I can get a job working as a cashier for 24 hour weekends at a deli in Manhattan for $8 an hour. I'm not sure if I should take it yet though... :( I'll see if I can get a babysitting job or something soon (not that I have any experience whatsoever) I have been thinking and working hard for my film too (thanks for the well wishes guys!!) and I may seem calm (but I've started having sleepless nights/anxiety attacks over it though.. ) And omg, I want to hit myself for picking an actor who's making probably RM100,000 a year and is constantly shooting something! I mean good for him, but... the least he can do is give me some face time and say 'YES' or 'NO'. Ni nak draaaaaaaag along and his manager, despite seeming like a nice kid/agent in the making is potentially hopeless and does not know how to respond to emails (who uses hotmail these days anyway?) It's driving me off the wall. Like, seriously.

OK, you guys do know I'm rambling because (A) I malas nak buat keje (B) I love to distract myself from tasks at hand..
So, bear with me!

Weird story last week that I had forgotten to write about. Remember I told you guys about that kid who made me go crazy? The big nerdy kid whom I had to take care of, and produce a puny film for? Well the day of the screening (last Friday, in which I played Fake Proud Parent to two kids whose parents couldn't afford flight tickets to NY for their screening) this girl (who was in my crew the week of their music video shoot - their second week assignment, in which I produced a totally kick ass video! but, that's a different story) who's well, let's just say... is kind of booby (but she's not the type who flaunts her assets around, so I salute her for that) was sobbing out of the screening hall... I mean, I knew she was kind of a big baby, but this time she was bawling her eyes out. And later I found out that that annoying kid (the big goofy one) had dedicated a full entry on his blog (now taken off) about this girl's boobies... I mean, how SICK is that? So he was sent home before the screening even started, and I feel so sorry for his embarrassed parents... but not sorry for the kid! That ought to teach him how not to do things without thinking twice! I guess that's payback enough for all the times I've felt like socking it in his face!!! Oh before that, I totally had a Grey's Anatomy fan moment when Dr Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson) just appeared out of the elevator at Tisch that Friday afternoon. I almost squealed in a true teenybopper fashion... but being me and my awkwardness around famous people, I pretended I didn't know who she was! SO SILLY OF ME.

Hmmm.. you know I'm always regaled with horror stories of producers who give great big promises and... well I guess I got a taste of that when I was home trying to raise this crazy insane amount of money. Promises of "hey, we'll commit to this, I'll give you a writing contract soon, I believe you have all this talent... " and when it came down it: absolute SILENCE. Email after email - I was never responded with clear cut answers. I mean, if my script wasn't good enough, I think I'd appreciate at least a rejection email, but no - this was beating around the bush and not saying it out straight. I was so sad!!! I had so much high hopes that probably this could be a flourishing producer-director relationship- but, no. Nothing of that sort. The only feeling that I had was - GILA KECIK HATI OK. But then, whatcha gonna do? Just move along and deal with it - producers/exec producers/people with money are going to be like that in this business and if I don't toughen up, I might as well just stay a pensyarah at a crappy *COUGH* apex university who's administration is sloppy as hell..

OK. Random story for the day. But I've been meaning to get this off my chest. But as a result/retaliation - albeit in a very childish way - I completely didn't finish a writing job in which I was already paid for. It's horrible, but hey, for the rest of the work that I did and wasn't paid for... I believe it evened everything out.

Colors - what do you guys think? Too feminine?? Opalescent is what this theme is called!!


NO IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!! It could be colors for my future apartment..

:P

OK I'm done writing and I should be getting back to doing SOME form of work..
Laters! xo

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Actually...

Macam banyak benda nak cerita sebenarnya. But it's 12.50AM and I just want to sleep. On a good note I've finally started a checklist! :)

I really don't know how I'm going to pull this off, but in the mean time.. nah, korang tengok lah ni... selamat berpuasa ya'll.. because I have lost touch with the world outside I actually terpuasa a day awal.. hahaha!! (cet, mana nak tau puasa kat sini hari khamis baru start)


Hujan Panas (Afternoon Rain) Teaser 2010 from on Vimeo.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

3 days to being jobless.

OK, I am so exhausted beyond words. Trying to shoot four shorts in four days already seemed like an impossibly impossible task, but throw in four whiny 17 year olds in there, and I am this close to losing my sanity.

(and when will I ever learn not to wear Chucks on shoots? End of the day balik dengan kaki lebam and blisters. Stupid me!)

Trust me when I say that I've had to physically strain myself to not throw a punch into one kid's face. Seriously. Not only was he ignorant and arrogant - he's also of the big awkward nerdy in glasses mommy's boy kind. Macam nak lempang pun ada gak. Nasib baik aku ni ada gak rasa berprikemanusiaan tengok muka 20 sen kau. Kalau tak dah lama aku humban masuk tasik semalam kat Central Park. EEEEEE GERAM!! Degil nak mampus!!! Oh my god, I keep thinking, if I have a child as stubborn as this, what in the world would I do??

Anyway, I know I have like loads of stuff I should be doing, but today I just needed a whole 24 hours to recover.. and finally had time to retrieve my package from the post office. This bright pink gym bag came in a bright hot pink packaging nonetheless! He's bribing me to go to the gym...!! I guess that's motivation... it's horrible really, whenever I'm extremely tired I just want to comfort myself with really bad artery clogging food. Like today it was cheap fried chicken, mashed potatoes, large iced-coffee, a diet rootbeer and Kinder Buenos. Argh!!!!

Oh, btw, everyone say hello to Puji!! She's chillin there by the window in the picture. That's my new cat!! I share her with Nana, my ex roomie who lives three blocks away. She is an annoying cat who likes to bite but loves being affectionate to strangers. She doesn't stink up my room so bad, and keeps me company by sleeping by my feet at night. So I guess she's an okay kitty.

I've forced myself not to write anything depressing just yet, because today I feel very nonchalant and blase about things.. wow I would love a massage right now. Too bad I can't freakin afford it!! Sob.