whoop-ass!

Only because I am only allowed to be self indulgent in my own confined space and time, and because I really really like my colors, Kings of Convenience and how good my actor looks like in it, despite the comment about "the overwhelming score and virtuoso (a nicer way of saying OTT) performance of a person showing that he is really, really angry" I got in class.



I am really annoyed about EITS playing in KL before they come to New York in April too.
Ish, everyone wants to become indie nowadays. Bosan aku.

le sigh.

My Green Eyes, he is, and I love him now even more so.




I am getting more and more disappointed with people around me. I hate having too many expectations, because when they fall short, I get extremely disappointed to a point where I get aggravated, annoyed, and hurt beyond words :(

I don't understand how people can be so selfish at times. Or maybe it's just me and my childishness in wanting to believe that every gesture of sincerity or kindness will be favours returned. Unfortunately for me, that's hardly ever the case.

I set up the lights, operated the camera, had to use the lav mic, did everything on my own. And that's so super difficult when I'm trying to direct an actor to get a genuine performance simultaneously. Extremely difficult, because everything comes into play - you suddenly have to be aware of everything else and get distracted from the main task at hand (which is why i want to become a cinematographer so much more than a director!!!)

I already don't like my new crew. I don't.
And editing my exercise, hmm. Ed's boyfriend Jared is just dripping with hotness. Like, extreme hotness.

Mind you, that's my classmate Edward's boyfriend.
Le sigh.

bump.

Waking up feeling empty is not a good feeling.
Holding back tears when your whole body is shaking profusely in silent sobs is not a good feeling.

I don't ever want to remember how it feels like not being in love.
A bump.
A small one, this will be.

Hopefully.

:(

goodbye my winter wonderland!

5 weeks of untold bliss - painstakingly beautiful days of lounging in bed with endless tv streaming, tastebud tickling cuisine of all sorts of origin and taste, wonderful company of new and pleasant friends and of course, nights of fitful sleep next to the most adorable, squishy furball - Baby.

I can't tell you how much I wish this could have lasted longer (although I would have rot into a pile of squidgy mush by the end of it) but here's to endless months of willing myself in the sheer gates of (academia) hell.

Technically I am already 24 (well I believe I was born Malaysian time) and mmm, somehow it doesn't feel that different. However, this arrived in my aparment last Friday, and when I opened the box up I almost cried - a dozen of pink roses for my birthday! The possibly most sweetest thing he could ever do, which makes me love him even more!!

'Til summer break looms by!

things that make going to film school..

Completely rewarding. And fulfilling :)

After yesterday's traumatizing near-i'm-going-to-quit-film-school experience, I was extremely reluctant to shoot for my classmate/spring semester crewmate Kiel. My poor shoulders were still aching from Sunday's shoot, and I wasn't looking forward to a 6 hour long shoot. But his subject matter was interesting - a blind painter from Visions Service for the Blind (on 23rd St and 7th Ave) who taught and assisted an entire class of visually impaired students the art of 'light painting' - which is somewhat similar to light trails. Capturing light trails is fairly simple (if your camera allows you to slow your shutter speed down to say, a minute and beyond) The camera is placed on the tripod (and not to be moved at any time during the shoot) in a room where all lights are switched off, and right after the release button is pressed, you make all these drawings with colored flashlights. This picture of an angel I took using my Canon EOS300V for an assignment in photography class back in MMU (with my drummer Wanie as a model, which she so, so hated to be) pales in comparison to what the talented artists from Visions made. The images that Steve and his fellow cohorts composed were so much more deep in meaning and thoughtful in composition, and for a bunch of blind people they were SO creative, using nets, Christmas sprinkles, aluminium foil, knitting needles and whatnots to create interesting textures and layers. In short, I had amazing fun documenting their class, it was such an experience. It really gave me a hard knock on reality... I mean here I was, whining, freaking out and not wanting to eat the whole day of yesterday (a pathetic attempt of rebelling against the workings of the world), and there they were, some on the brink of completely losing sight and some already not being able to see participating in an activity that you'd never imagine them being able to do.

They weren't a sad bunch of blind people either. They were hilariously funny, cracking jokes at each other and seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves...

*sighs in content*

And Kiel let me shoot everything while he operated the boom mike. That makes me so happy (because I love being behind the camera) Working with Kiel was also great, because as a director he definitely knew what he wanted (besides also knowing what to aperture to use, whether to turn on gain or not..) For the price of a 6-7 hour shoot, I got a free dinner at Olive Garden - very yummy (and pricey) Italian food! Samina came over to join us and we had the most exquisite chocolate cake which literally melted in my mouth *drools* Even Ms Read's delicious Classic Chocolate Cake can't top it...

My roomate came back yesterday, at 1am. Today we talked a bit, mainly about the situation in her country Pakistan - which is becomingly increasingly tragic and sad, where people are losing faith in their own country. As ignorant as I am about my own country, I really wouldn't want it to crumble in any way.

Sigh.
On a more superficial note, I absolutely LOVE this season of Project Runway. Christian is one of my favourites (after Kevin, but he got voted off last week...) and hello, did anyone think that Ricky should have gone instead of Kit?? His plain, ugly babydoll dresses have never been anything more than just plain eyesores!!!

I'll be starting my crummy digital library job next week!!! I honestly hope to be earning enough to buy meself a ticket home for the summer. And I watched Juno (ok Ellen Page is cute, but it's hardly what you could call.. spectacular) and Atonement (it started off beautifully, but I don't understand why Keira Knightley is being hailed by the critics for her *yawn* performance... when Saoirse Ronan, the actress who plays 13 year old Briony Tallis WAAAYYY overshadowed Keira's snotty-as-a-prick character Cecilia)

I'll be turning 24 in FOUR DAYS. THE ABSOLUTE HORROR.
Hence I best be off, for night is no longer young for very old me.

the most whacked out morning ever!

There are uncountless times that I have wondered to myself, "What the effing hell am I doing in film school?". Usually these thoughts occur at very specific times - when I had to work with a mat salleh bengong (a filthy rich 27 year old living out of his parents money) who didn't have any TACT or common courtesy in talking to people in general, when I was asked to do 10 million things simultaneously on a single shoot and of course - when I have to freeze my ass in the biting cold for hours and hours.

How the weather can be so very unkind!! So Steve and I set off to midtown at 2.45am to film his documentary subject, these Greek guys who man a coffee cart (whose food and iced coffee in general I have grown to love so much - cheap AND filling) They were supposed to be there by at least 3.45am, so we got there almost 50 minutes earlier. I honestly didn't understand why we needed to be there so early, but knowing Steve (who turns up an hour before class starts) I really couldn't say much. I had bundled up as much as I could have (2 freaking sweaters, a jacket, thermals) but needless to say it was just too cold to be standing out waiting around. Of course, I stood still, thinking of warm, toasty thoughts while laughing and responding to him politely through gritted teeth (when honestly I really wanted to yell and curse and scream and strangle his neck for making me go through this horrible, horrible experience) Then maybe he came to his senses that we shouldn't be out waiting in the cold so we walked to Waldorf Astoria to warm up (for like a measly 10 minutes) before going back, and this time the coffee cart guys came and he started shooting. And I have never felt so cold in my life, my fingers and toes were just numb. But I didn't want to seem like a brat so I held on in the mother-effing cold until I couldn't take it anymore!!!

To cut the story short, let's just say I stayed in their van to warm up, and in the end both of us walked to Grand Central to hang around until people actually started coming to the cart. We sat down against a wall in the middle of freaking Grand Central and while 1200000 New Yorkers filled in and out to get about their daily lives, we fell asleep with our mouths hanging open, and couldn't have cared any less.

PRODUCTIVE.

Which is exactly what my week has been!
Of course it had to start with anxiety attacks on Monday, since I was still stuck in a rut on deciding the subject matter for my 5 minute documentary.. I mean I had a couple of ideas, but none of which were good or interesting enough. I had contemplated over psychics.. since there is a smattering bunch of them around the city (more like one in almost every other block) West Village Psychic, SoHo Psychic, East Village Psychic.. OK so I finally went to one and paid USD10 for a 5 minute palm read (and she was so boring and generic... "You're going to have a long, prosperous life with two strong children!") so that totally killed my intentions of making them my subject matter!!

But on Friday I MET MICHEL GONDRY and what an AMAZING FANTASTIC experience that was. The man is not only a pure brilliant genius but also funny and eccentric, so I absolutely cannot wait for his new film, Be Kind Rewind. There's Jack Black and Mos Def in it, and it's premiering in Sundance before it opens in cinemas this February!!! Cannot. WAITTTTTT!

Hmmm I seem to be ending my sentences with a lot of exclamation marks!!! This is what I get from not reading or writing much anymore!!!!!
Heee.

Anyway I just got back from watching KT Tunstall live at the Apple Store in SoHo and boy, she sounds really good live. As good as she does in her records, I might say!! And she sang most songs from her old album, which I love so much (and I'm really honestly not into girl-guitarist-singers) because mmm well because it makes me remember a period of my life last year.. and a couple of other songs from Drastic Fantastic which I don't really like because it's too pop!!!

MMMMM OK I seem to be rambling, but whatever. Last night we had a really stupid fight about something I wrote on his facebook wall. It makes me so mad that he's embarrassed about something so silly and mindlessly innocent!! Like why the hell should he even care (but he does) so I hung up the phone on him out of spite (seems that I've been doing that a lot lately)

ERGHHHHHHHH of course we made up but still it makes me really angry whenever I think about it.
Grr.

"You're so complicated!"
Well NOW you know!

Other than that, HAPPY 24th BIRTHDAY to my BFF EIDA!!! May this year bring more happiness, love, success and a paid round-trip to UK.
MWACKS!

apprehensions 2.

With all the free time that I have on my hands now, I have ample time to actually go to the gym in dire hopes of working out (since I am getting older and in need of some physical stamina... and also due to my better half's constant persuasion of, "you can't be 50 and then suddenly want to run!")

But anyways, I beg to digress. After my short 30 minute run/walk on the threadmill, I ran into a near-shock-pengsan almost experience while in women's locker room to get my (new and cheap, thanks to Filene's Basement) gym bag and saw a mass of (pubic) crowning glory belonging to one lucky lady.

Of course, I didn't stare, but it was so odd. I'd never been around another (stark) naked woman in my life, what more to have my first encounter with an (American) stranger. So taken back was I, that I forgot where the exit from the locker room was. Sheesh.

Other than that, I have absolutely no progress on my documentary (in which I am already a sizzling piece of meat by now). 12 more days to class!! (that also means 12 more days to turning a year older, SOB)

OK! Back to researching interesting characters of Gotham City!

PS/ Across The Universe bored me out of my socks. Once, despite its raw and gritty lo-finess floored me instaneously. The exhaustingly gratifying There Will Be Blood had me in a slight yawn (oil and Daniel Day Lewis? Ermmm...maybe not). Adaptation? Charlie Kaufman is a downright genius, and to throw in the the formulaic Robert McKee (Hollywood screenwriting so- called 'guru') in it was an indefinite scream. Netflix rocks!

AAAAAAAAAAH!

New Year's was okay, with an impressive 15 minute display of fireworks after trudging in the cold in Central Park. Yesterday was rather productive with a 30 minute run in the gym and a weird gig in Mercury Lounge at night. But ok, malas nak cerita panjang-panjang bende yang tak penting, because MICHEL GONDRY will be in the SoHo Apple Store next week!!! That's 15 minutes away from where I live and I will be damned if I can't go see this crazy brilliant man in person.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

hehe dah. ok bai!