of random updates.

It's beyond my comprehension, how the wheel spins. Just when you think everything in life is sort of falling into place, just when you let yourself bask in absolute certainty and happiness - that's when things start to fall apart, and life just bitch slaps you right in the face...

.
I guess I got overexcited over the fact that I'm moving in with friends, but the lack of communication has somewhat left me sounding like a fussy prick... :(
Right now I'm crashing over at Kat and Shue's place, and it's not the best feeling in the world having to menyusahkan orang like this... like a nomad, like I don't really have a place to call my own...

:(
But moving on.

Today, I guarded a church for 13 hours straight. I wasn't even allowed to go to crafty for any coffee breaks, or even be on set, which was altogether depressing... and kind of sad, really. It is no fun wallowing in self pity and bitching about being treated like an idiotic, moronic intern who can't handle lock-ups OR using a walkie properly. But I managed to do a lot of thinking. Practiced a whole lot of conversations and played out tonnes of scenarios with different people (in my head) to keep myself amused.

And vowed to myself that I would take control of my current situation.
Sink, or swim.
Do, or die.

I feel like weights have been lifted off my back. I managed to spurt out that I wasn't happy being off set and cooped up in the church, and that I'd wanted to be as close to the camera as possible, because this hasn't exactly been a wholesome learning experience. And it's not like I'm an unqualified undergrad who's not capable of doing things (I mean, sure, they gave me a walkie and excluded the other interns, but do I really need to be told off ON walkie that I had been misusing 'yes' and 'copy that'? Sheesh) Four more days and I'll be happy to be done with being depressed and miserable all 15 hours of my summer days...

Boring stuff, I know. I just felt like the need to write that at least, amidst what's crumbling apart around me -
I can still manage to salvage something (strength, maybe?) out of this emotional carnage...