SO ANNOYEEEEEEEEEED

Ergh ergh I need to rant I'm soooo hating school right now.... hate hate hate hate hate hate hate... memang diorang racist tak suka orang Malaysia! Tak suka internationals.. ERGHHHHHH benci benci racist sial nak mampus benci benci benci benci benci benci benciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

I AM SO DONE WITH YOU FUCKING NYU!

summer update #14

So far it's been a really blessed Ramadhan week!
Been buka-puasa-ing with friends, free food galore over Friday and Saturday - all I have to say is alhammmmdullilllaaaaaahhh.

Other than that I'm up rewriting Ep7. Hari tu termimpi jumpa Budi. Haaaaaih. It's almost taking over my life... and I have to submit my thesis script this Friday...

I'm thinking whether I should buy tickets to Kings of Convenience. And Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Mmmm. Thinking.

rest in peace, my baby.

Bye sweetheart. You kept me warm through winter nights, and kept me company during bouts of loneliness.

It kills me knowing how you passed on - it kills me knowing that the only way to stop your suffering was to put you to sleep. It kills me knowing that I'll no longer be able to breathe in your beautiful coat of blue-grey fur, lovingly bite your soft pink paws, and play fetch with crumpled balls of paper with you...

Psyang, I love you, and will always miss you.

:(

:(

summer update #13

Absolutely craving for this.

:(

summer update #12

I guess it really helps, when you seem to be on a permanent (emotional) roller coaster ride, to be with someone who doesn't hold grudges, is forgiving and understanding about your need to act like a total loony bin sometimes.

What a way to start the day! A google conversation with a filmmaker who's actually made it!
Ah, he seems to have a plushy life. So there must be hope!

Note to self: STOP VEGETATING!

summer update #11

I'm riding the subway lines and aaaaaargh I can't snap out of this weird... daze I'm in.
Like crap, I'm really back in stinking New York!!!

I don't know whether to be happy or joyous or sad or whatever.

The 21 + hour flight was treacherous as expected, food was awful, my cab driver totally ripped me off, but I got to walk into the uber cool white tunnel in the Mode office set (of Ugly Betty). I'm back in Bushwick thanks to my dearest Chloe who left keys to her apartment, and let me vegetate in her cosy room with A/C while she's away in Beijing..

Anyhoo, I think I found myself an apartment! It's really really nice. It's in Bushwick still, but I've got MY OWN FREAKIN ROOM WITH A DOOR, so I'm happy!!! So last Friday was the first time meeting my future roommate Amy after all that corresponding through facebook - she is ultra cool, super selamba and unlike any other Mat Sallehs I've met. And better still, she has a tv which she'll bring and told me I could use whenever. But best of all - she has the WII!!!

I watched two amazing films over the week.. well ok 3 if you count the one on free streaming. I'll write more later.
Oh, so I've also got a new job! So I wrote two episodes for this show (and almost died in the process.. here I am trying to pack to leave to New York and staying up the night trying to finish the re-writes.. ) thinking that they would never ask me to write again (the last revisions I sent in, honest to GOD I wrote while in a semi-comatose state... couldn't even make out what rubbish I was typing out on my dad's tiny netbook in the dark) but weirdly enough I'm being asked to write more. Well I guess my film is taking a backseat for now... and I'll just get all gelabah when I have a table reading in.. less than 12 weeks from now (ok that doesn't sound so bad.. if I can dish out 40 pages in a week, how hard could 8 pages be?!! ERGH. I'm just trying to make myself feel better here... after all the procrastination over the summer)

Blah blah blah melalut betul. I'm really starting to sound self-indulgent here.
I hate goodbyes! I hated frantically looking for you from below, knowing it's the last time you'd be there right in front of my eyes until I get to see you again --- but weirdly enough you suddenly said you can't wait for me to be back so we can jump on the bandwagon and be part of that elusive/exclusive club.. :P

OK OK bai.

summer update #10

LIFE REALLY SUCKS!
I KNEW ONE THING OR THE OTHER WOULD SCREW ME OVER!


guess I'm staying at the airport for the week...... :(

summer update #9

I've had a rather splendid week.

Thank you, God.

summer update #8

See, bila depressed, mula lah idea mencurah2. Time time tak betul pulak tu.

Ade ke Adem call me INA NAIM!?!!!!

"You ni mcm forward thinking woman.. tapi bila hal boyfriend, terus jadi 'Bang, Ina mintak maaf bang, Ina tak buat lagi, Ina janji bang! Ina nak abang balik... Ina buat ape je abang nak Ina buat.."

SIOT!







PS/ Ni baru je spec script show dah nak menggelabah tak tentu pasal. ERGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

summer update #7

Mengadap MacBook Pro, sipping Caramel Macchiato Starbucks 13 ringgit, listening to Yuna, overlooking Jambatan Pulau Pinang, pakai baju kotak, outline series bertaburan atas meja..

Prententious..
Yang.
AMAT.

Nak layan emo...
:(

summer update #6

I would never imagine that-

My source of comfort, love and happiness

could turn into
a selfish, cold blooded, god-forsaken sorry life of a being

who finds joy in hurting me in so many ways that I cannot count.


:(

yesterday I thought to myself -how would it feel like to fly?











down from a ninth floor apartment.

summer update #5

Kucing Kuantan, Snowwie.

Eh silap ni Psyanngggg (huwa i misschuuu bebe)
Here!!! Cute kan? Too bad the boyfriend tak bagi bawak balik from Kuantan. Boohoo :(


OK updates next time ok. 4 more weeks before returning to the city... SO FASTT OK.
Haih.

summer update #4

Dear Nadiah Ham... (nama kene protect ni, nanti kuar kat google search lak.. hehe)

On behalf of the LA Shorts Fest, we would like to thank you for submitting Sub Rosa for consideration to the 2009 Festival. We recognize the hard work and dedication in making a film, but we regret to inform you that your film was not selected for this year's Festival....

Blah blah blah. OK la whatever. Anyhoo I've been home for three weeks and a half now. I've met so many people and attended too many weddings already. Now it's time for some serious work (writing) But first let me mourn about how I wasn't selected to be in the commercial class.. out of 10 people they picked 8 and out of the 8 was not even me... I dono. Maybe they have something against whiny little Malaysians. WHATEVS. If tak dapat jugak I think I will do an indie study or take leave to work on someone's film. That film will have Clive Owen. Ha. Amek kau.

OK time post crite kuceng.

Psyang, I miss you so much. Nobody greets me whenever I get home... nobody nak mengekor ke sini ke sane anymore. Nobody is here to sit on my keyboard and tekan the volume button to the max while I am asleep. Nobody is here to temankan me while I try to do work. Nobody is here for me to play fetch with. Nobody is here to sibuk2 nak makan jugak while I eat. Nobody is here for me to give their paws for me to bite. Nobody is here to merengek suruh bukakkan pintu.

I misshhhyou yayang. I hope you are loved and taken care of well..

*SOBS*

In a way I cannot wait to be done with school. I spent the afternoon at the Curve with AhBenjies today and he's been making lots of $. Saving up to start up a business. I am so inspired!!! But I still have a year of school. In a way, I am also sad that New York is coming to an end (unless I plan to stay on longer) I'm also sad that my nearest/dearest have left the city for good. Who am I going to call whenever I have my silly phoner fights with my man? New York is a cold, hard place (as my friend Matthew puts it) and it helps to have people who speak in your language...BUT NOWWWWW...

Entahlah. People change and I really, really have to learn not to depend on anyone but myself.

Sigh. But the past two days I have learnt that I should not see my future (awaiting) job as a hindrance to what I really want to do. And I am excited at the prospects of coming home and starting something on my own.. I think.

Hari tu terserempak dengan idola. Tapi kenapa mesti buat loyar buruk bile berhadapan dengan orang tu? Cam la aku ni bagus sangat.. SIGGGH.
Actually nak letak gambar kucing kiut dari Kuantan (nama dia Snowwie) tapi blogger is fudgen up with me, so later la.

...

I miss you.

:(

summer update #3

When things like these happen, you get shocked. Even if you have no absolutely no connection to the victim.

Just numb, even for a split second.
And think about how short life can really be.
So there should be no question about believing in a Creator - a greater presence that controls the unthinkable.

Because when you're put in an undesired situation - such as the one above, there isn't anything else that you can possibly hold on to - except for faith.

summer update #2

Beauty shots of a buglike dancer

Lighting from the rooftop.. and then freezing my ass off.

The shot that took forever.. but which was super awesome!

Really cool director/dp, handsome Iranian men in skinny jeans and a really friendly stranger-ful crew - not too bad for 16 hours worth of free labour.. (well ok I was given 20 bucks :P)

summer update #1

Gaffing/AC-ing my first NYC music video shoot tomorrow. A Tehranian-US based band, stop motion and steadycam stuff -
PLEASE LET IT BE FUN!!!

ERGHHHHHHH

I've been rather unproductive for the past two weeks (ok sorry I didn't get that AC-ing job.. this is what you get when you want to get paid sangat, orang pun dowan to hire me! bleh!)

Now will someone please take care of the shit in this apartment for me? So penat la every FREAKING YEAR I HAVE TO MOVEEEE. I hate feeling like a nomad. Hopefully this next (yet to be found) apartment will be a bit permanent. Permanent tu macam maybe more than a year la then I have to go home already...

I hate my crocodile tears. I went to embarass myself in front of my chair when we talked about my fast track to graduating. So I'm not going to make any films next year, I'm going to concentrate on finishing my thesis script and DP-ing stuff (hopefully, if people ask me to) Other than that he says I'm getting a really GOOOD scholarship from the school and I'll know by this Wednesday. I think for sure it's not the graduate assistantship (free ride and $1700 a month) .. but whatever. All that really matters is that I will have money to come back here and finish another year of school. Whatever.

I've been trying to ganti puasa, but I really should have done it during winter when the days were shorter. Now it's like fasting for 16 hours.. I might as well finish my last six days back home. OK.

Random.

Hah. Baru ada orang nak complain. So true. My worst experience ever. I mean I'm Melayu jugak but there would be a session where we'd break into smaller groups (Latihan Dalam Kumpulan) and then be made to debate over things like:

1) Katakanlah anda diminta untuk menganjurkan latihan/workshop (whatever lah, I'm paraphrasing) pengurusan masa untuk kakitangan pejabat kerajaan anda. Adakah anda akan memilih:
A. Syarikat motivasi bawah naungan parti pemimpin, walaupun syarikat itu masih baru dan tidak pernah mengendalikan sessi latihan sedemikian
B. Syarikat motivasi bawah naungan parti pembangkang, yang lebih berpengalaman dalam mengendalikan sessi latihan pengurusan masa

It was really weird. I was totally weirded out.

Babe I know we fight a lot and I always say that I'll leave you but deep down I know I never WILL.. TWELVE MORE DAYS I CAN'T WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT.

ok over and out.

Mood: content

I am grateful.
Today I got new Nike shoes from Spike!!!

Doesn't matter that they are lime green and orange...
They were FREE! From an Oscar nominated film director!


Happy :)

:O

JAW DROP.
JAW DROPPPPPPPPPP.
(SORRY APESAL BLOGGER NI TAKDE FONT LAGI BESAAAAAAAR)

omg HI YASMIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(ergh i'm such a dork/fangirl i embarrass myself!!!!!!)