pet peeve#1

I absolutely loathe the term 'tudung girl'
Sorry, but I don't see you calling a girl who doesn't cover her hair 'free hair girl' -- she's just a 'girl'.

"I saw that tudung girl so I had to hide my beer"

"I got hassled by tudung girls today"

WTF.

It's completely derogatory, if I do say so myself.

PS/Now I know that fresh blueberries taste so much better with pancakes than blueberry pie filling from a can. Bliss on a Sunday morning!

spring part deux.. WAIT A SECOND. IT'S NOT SPRING YET.. AAAAAA

1. Benci lah. I really thought the weather was going to get lovelier... I've really been looking forward to walking out in flats and flip flops. And not having to bundle myself in an ugly bubble jacket with its popping buttons. I woke up this morning to... snow falling. Pretty, but annoying.

2. Work. I could be a lot more productive, but I find myself spending more and more time trying to organize my life than getting things done... le sigh..

3. Future plans. It's almost February, now the thought of wanting to shoot my thesis film in September scares me. Not to mention that right now it seems that all of February and March will be busy months playing cinematographer... and whatever happened to wanting to start on that feature script?! I wish I wasn't such a lousy/lazy writer.

4. I think hipsters are nice people, but I don't think I can stand being holed up with them in a bar for long periods of time :(

5. Sourgrapes moment: Sundance looks like so much fun :( I WISH I WAS IN PARK CITY!!! :(

6. Turning 26. I made a toast over a small dinner party hosted by a good friend from school - to be happier! :) It's been a week and I have been content.. and diamonds are truly a girl's best friend :) I boxed up my first and kept it cleverly hidden, because remembering hurts :( But then came along this new one on the eve of my birthday - engraved with 375 so I know it's the real deal. Happiness indeed.

7. More and more people are dying young... and of cancer :( One of my new year's resolutions: to be grateful to God that I get to wake up everyday... healthy and alive. And to remember Him every night that he's let me live yet another day.

8. I think I can stop seeing Brooke now because I'm done with the crazies.

9. I think I might want to shoot another documentary. I've always said that I don't enjoy it, but then it's the closest you get to experiencing real people and real life situations. One weekend I went to a funeral in Jersey, the next day I was in a beautiful church taping a sermon in Spanish. Then I'm somewhere in Queens following a Colombian woman dropping off her children to their physically/emotionally abusive father at an undisclosed location...

Maybe on whaling?

10. First arson attacks. Then wild boar heads. I don't get it!!!

11. Stop Apple hating please. Just because the whole world is making fun of Steve Jobs picking such a shiteous name for such a cool gadget, doesn't mean you have to get into it too... it's really lame, especially when most of them haters are probably PC users... so scmi-Pad, iPad, whatever. The name doesn't undermine the coolness of it even one bit. Sure it's got its flaws, but you have to admit it is a pretty nifty gadget to have.

12. Starting to develop this weird sleeping pattern of late. I don't know why.

13. I said I was sorry, and I'm sorry :(

14. With another 3 months of school... I'm really over it. Almost over it. Beginning to feel that I am done with this city, at least for now.

15. Teringin nak makan ketam lagi!!!

What a random post. Later lovelies. And thanks so much for the birthday wishes, I couldn't possibly reply to all but I will in time... thank you!!! xoxo

spring part un

2010! Houston! Birthday!
My heart shaped diamond pendant :)
Soon.

But first, two pictures.
23/1/2010:

i. Prospect Park, thrifting, skating, Wendy's, downtown Brooklyn

ii. my first sewing project: a boatneck tunic dress made with silk chiffon fabric bought at the Fashion District.. using the jankiest sewing machine from Urban Outfitters my sister got me for my birthday!

OK later loves, gotta leave for a film shoot in Jersey!
xo

winter blues #8

No, do not feel bad because you said NO twice today!!!
No. I will NOT feel bad.


ARGHHHH!!

winter blues #7

* une
So, what's the deal with burning churches, people?
Some will say it's political.
I will say it's the lack of proper education and the misguided conception of ketuanan Melayu...

:(
For a split second, it got me really scared. First, the whole dead cow head protest. Tak malu gile ke jadi orang Melayu sekarang? Macam orang purba... nak protest tapi guna cara budak sekolah.

Matlamat tak menghalalkan cara.
EEEEEE.

* deux
OK. Enough.
I'm DP-ing a super hipster horror short in the next two weeks. It's totally non-school related and pro-bono (why did I say yes again? Shot myself in the foot, too soon there... ok the only reason is so that I can add things to my DP reel... seems that most of the money I make these days are from shooting... not writing, directing, or... erm, cable-wrangling)

I'm going back to work next week too. WTF... whatever happened to my plans of not doing anything and laying in bed all day? :( I think I've only had maybe a good five days of that.

I am really annoyed with the way they're directing/editing BB... :( It's not like I'm anal whatever but then it's just sloppy that it gets me annoyed... I'm not enjoying this whole writing business and then having someone else direct/edit my work. Not cool.


* trois
An old friend said this to me yesterday, "so enjoy to the fullest what you have already with you right now, because it wont last....and love will find its way, it always does.." Of course, it was more long winded that that but it made me almost cry, reading what he wrote... back then, this friend would come pick me up from my hostel in Cyberjaya and we would drown ourselves in teh-ais while he lamented on his unfortunate love life.. how times have passed!

Yet we find ourselves at this point again - broken so badly by the people we love the most, and hoping that in time we will become stronger and more resilient... and believe that things get worse only so they can get better..

My heart feels a lot lighter... someone said, in time, it gets quieter. It really does.
But why is it that every single night I pray that he goes far away, and stop permeating my thoughts... he comes back, when I least expect it :(


Be good, lovers.

winter blues #6

Hari ni malas nak gi gym. Besides, later tuan si Baby will be taking her home. I'm so sad!! There will be no more white furball to annoy/play/manja-manja with for the rest of my break :( This morning she crept into the nook of my arm while I was sleeping... after that she went berserk and I had to give her catweed so she'd chill a bit. Good thing is she's been making amends with Monk, the resident cat here... but too bad she's leaving already... :(

CAT LADY SPEAK OH THE HORRORS

Btw I just bought myself tickets to warmer weather the weekend before school starts... my mission is to hunt down Rodarte for Target's mustard yellow dress in MY size... but now, now I just I wish I could get my paychecks sooner... so I can buy more things that will make me HAPPY!!!

Oh! Last week I went to the Fashion District to buy some cheap fabric to make dresses with my mini sewing machine :) Tapi I forgot that I need extra sharp shears to cut cloth... and today since I'm melepeting kat rumah I just have to wait until tomorrow to get them... le sigh.

Happy besday Minah! You are old. But people will always think you are the older sister. Hahahaahhaha!!!

OK off to clean some cat poopie.

winter blues #5

God, I'm still wide awake at 3am! :(

For the past four days I've been busy bee-ing a tourist guide to my brother and my sister in law... ok la jugak diorang ni datang NY -- takde lah bosan masa New Year's eve (party hopping plans terus tak jadi) and we walked 20 blocks trying to get into the barricades of Times Square, only to hop on the 6 train to Union Square and ushered 2010 watching Sherlock Holmes...

I think I managed to cover most touristy/non-touristy parts of the city, except for maybe laying on the grass near Dumbo in downtown Brooklyn, brunching in Williamsburg... oh and the amazing gelato at Chelsea Market because it was closed (which I don't think they minded missing anyways) We planned on renting a car for a road trip to DC/Boston/Philly tapi in the end tak jadi because we woke up super late every morning...

Here's a picture of my highlight of family bonding time over four days:
(Takmo letak gambar diorang, nanti my brother perasan glamour... haha)

Lobsters! And crabs! And I found the BEST MALAYSIAN restaurant in New York ever!!! (in the tragically hip West Village.. how ironic!)
I also got to go ice-skating at Bryant Park... which was super fun, because it wasn't too cold and it was snowing flurries.. :) I'll also be going ice-skating again with my friend/colleague Peggy later this week... yeah gotta find a bigger rink...

Two more weeks of winter break. I wonder what happened to my plans of finishing a first draft of my feature... hahaahaha. Well, we'll see..
I'm listening to a lot of this and somehow it's making me miss late nights cruising the streets in KL... or lepak kat mamak after a gig at Bangsar... or whatever lah, it's making me miss KL like crazy... :( --- although I did grow up in Penang!!! (it's an entirely different feeling... really)

Sedihlah :(

I'm on week 5 of C25K now... can't even start to think running 8 minutes straight. Mesti semua orang pelik, why am I suddenly into running/sports.. ? Well I will be turning 26 in less than 17 days, I'm just trying to keep fit... and besides, when I started I was just really angry, and it's good to have a routine when you feel like your life is spiralling downwards (in my case, trying to get over my 2 1/2 year relationship which went kaput) But anyways. 2010. Yes, I believe you will do me good, if I do say so myself :)

Congratulations to those who have tied the knot! And gotten engaged!! And have storks delivering babies on the way!
May you be blessed with long-live joy, happiness and prosperity.. (cis, cam raye cine lak)

OK the bed beckons... it's only 3 more hours before the kids wake me up for food.. :( It's hard being a cat lady ok!!!
:P

peace out y'all.

winter blues #4

2010 is already looking up :)

winterim reading #un

http://voize.my/events/arts-culture/yasmin%E2%80%99s-reluctant-critic-%E2%80%93-a-tribute-by-mansor

Now this, this is a joke of a person.
I aspire never to become him.

winter blues #3

It's funny how the universe works.
It's bizarre how opportunity presents itself when you're hitting rock bottom.

I could be broke. I could be a complete failure at school. I could be terminally ill, or bed-ridden. There could be so many other things that I could be... but because I get to wake up every morning and feel fine, and am able to walk and run and live my life the way I want to, I could potentially... be happy. In so many other ways than not.

And for that, carpe diem, I say.

winter blues #2

Gosh, I need to fucking CHILL already.

winter blues #1

7AM/Sunday on the way to shoot a Sunday mass for this documentary I'm working on. After all the jebus overload I fell asleep during the sermon... what kind of doc shooter sleeps on the job?! The pastor wasn't pissed... he just said, "Bless you documentary people! May God Bless you!"

Amidst working 5 days last week, I managed to catch Avatar 3D and The Lovely Bones... can't say which one I liked better though. But I've been watching a lot of BTS: Avatar on youtube and I'm really liking this performance capture technology thing I'm seeing. It's uber cool. Even all the live action stuff was in 3D.. it was cool.

I've gotten so bloody boring, I know.
Can't wait for the year to be over though... I'm ready for a blank slate.




To you.

First, I'm sorry. I have been an ignorant, selfish person.
I just thought that maybe, your life would be easier, and you would be much happier if I slipped away..

I guess I was wrong.
Can we be friends again?

winter B/R/E/A/K

made a week and a half after my heart got broken. to bits and pieces. having a thing with film roll outs.

..

where is Brooke when I need her?
place a marble in one hand..


:(

lesson: numero uno

an avalanche of swirling thoughts.

place a marble in one hand, close your eyes and both your hands.
hold them tight, and concentrate on both at once - the one hand with, and the other without.

break the avalanche of swirling thoughts.
now, breathe.

and move on.

Woke up this morning feeling absolutely-

SHITTY.

And now I'm at work, shaking my leg while waiting digitizing sctuff AND watching one video after the next...





I mean, come on, how can you not absolutely love them?


It really, really, really sucks when you find good music and don't have anyone to share it with anymore.

:(

My current love.

THE XX.

Back from the dead.

Day 3 of No More Tears.
I had a wonderful weekend - Friday with friends, frozen yogurt by the ounce at St. Mark's, a trip to the village psychic (I'll save the story for another day..) Lazy Saturday and Sunday of nothingness... plus a weird phone call which has left the door open. Again.

But I'm not going to sit and wait.
I'm not.

On another note, to those of you in Malaysia, watch the new season of Blogger Boy on 8tv every Thursday at 9.30pm!!! I'm so excited... even if I do have this last script pending completion, and can't watch it from here... so you guys should watch it and tell me if I can write comedies for shits.. hohoho.

OVER and OUT.

It's the End.

It's done.

Thirty one months.
I've done everything within my capacity to love you.
But perhaps this was never meant to be.



I wish you well.

While I collect my thoughts and pick up pieces of myself, I shall be away.

Be good, lovers.

I wish..

I wish I could tell you what it felt like to be in a sea of 42 000 runners.
How another way you could join the marathon would be by running for charity... which is what a lot of people tend to do.
How cold it was this morning, but how happy people were that it was that cold because it was ideal weather.
How amazing the view is when you start off from Fort Wadsworth..
How this could... someday, be possible for you too.













I miss you so much :(