removed.

The past two weeks have been such madness, and the feelings of desolation are sort of closing in on me, if that makes any sense at all.

Maybe it is just me, but people seem colder, and it is hard not to feel 'removed'. I find myself not wanting to talk and connect with people anymore. Because the slightest exchange of words/favors/kindness appear more superficial than ever before - and I despise that, that awful gush of insincerity that appears so crystal in their eyes, as much as their mouth (and body) will to mask it.

One thing I've understood now is that I WILL NEVER EVER ask people for help anymore. It's hard enough being here alone, life just gets more miserable when I can't depend on anyone (or anything for that matter) for help, or support.

It makes me sick, and if it wasn't for Steve with his genuine emails of concern and daily conversations with my better half hundreds of thousands of miles away,
I think I would have crumbled underneath all this rubble of peer pressure, and the need to please others.

And at this point I use all of my courage and will power to believe in God more than anything else, that these are merely tests for greater things to come.

God is Great, and He is the Most Merciful.