Another chapter closed.

It's 4pm and I'm laying stomach down on my bed, trying to nurse cramps that come unknowingly once in a month. I hope I'll be better by tonight, because I'll be watching fireworks from Central Park if everything goes well. It would've been a more apt first Big Apple new year's in Times Square, but just listening to horror stories about having to camp out 10 hours earlier just to count the seconds down to 2008 inevitably crossed it out as even an option.

But anyways.
I don't usually do new year's celebrations. I don't even remember what I did last year, I think I probably just stayed at home. In 2005 I was at a rock gig in this art gallery in the middle of KL. Hmm. But that's about it.

Just felt the need to look back on the year before the clock strikes 12am, and the curtain is closed on 2007. I guess it's been good, so far... I know I've made so many life changing decisions that have affected me throughout, but I wouldn't go back and change anything. Well maybe except that one particular incident.

After 3 and a half months of interning in KLue writing mindless articles/socialising/picking up calls and stuffing envelopes, being in McCann-Erickson for 8 solid months was truly a learning experience which I wouldn't trade it for anything else. I guess it was a love and hate relationship with my first real job, but I did learn a lot. From dealing with people and picking out my battles - I'd like to think that I've grown up, having a job that made me feel slightly more important that I'd take myself. And being able to work with award-winning advertising creatives was of course mind-blowing, and I honestly thought my path was set.

I cried like an idiot on my last day. If I have to pick one of the hardest decisions that I had to make in my life, that would have been it.
I hated leaving - because I feel that I still have so much passion for advertising, and I didn't get enough time to prove my actual worth.

But I knew I needed to make this move for myself.

Just for the sake of remembering:
Seeing him for the first time at that Red Kebaya screening in December 2006,
Getting annoyed with him when he introduced himself the first time I came over his studio for a recording ("are you the Malay writer?" "NO. Grr")
Him standing in line for hours getting my Muse tickets in January, watching 300 together and the rest I would say,
is history.

Despite being able to come to NY to polish and learn the craft of my other love - filmmaking -
I'd still say he's the best thing that happened to me throughout the year.


And that, that I wouldn't change for anything.

Au revoir two oh-oh-seven!
You shall be sorely missed.

El Orfanato by Juan Antonio Bayona

It is 2am. Drowsiness is slowly sinking in, and might cloud certain judgments on this very breathtakingly, beautifully shot film.

But anyways.
This still from El Orfanato somehow manages to capture the essence of the film - a sordid tale of love and lost woven in intricate, extremely well crafted cinematography. Lush and sweeping, such artistic imagery - I found myself gasping in awe, and anticipating in agony almost. Such amazing visual pleasure it was, that most of the times, it outshone the very basic building block of narrative filmmaking, and that which is, the storytelling.

Laura (played convincingly by Spanish actress Belén Rueda) is a mother of an adopted HIV-positive child Simon. Together with her doctor husband Carlos, they move into an old mansion by the sea, which she as a orphan child herself grew up in. The house has been painstakingly remodeled as a home to less fortunate children, whom Laura plans to take care of. But as the big welcoming day looms, her son Simon starts acting strange.

Of course she thinks that he's just playing games and making all the childish stories up to mask his insecurity about having other children coming into the house to live with him. But when he goes missing on the big opening day, Laura becomes convinced that the house bears a sinister secret, which she must discover in time to save her only child.

I do admit, it is a good premise, and there is no build-up to cheap shocks or thrills that are used so abundantly in most films in this genre. When there is a scare it hits the nail right on the head, and I literally jumped in my seat (which I seldom or never do, ever!) However, once 'SIX MONTHS LATER' appears on screen, the strong emotional and psychological experience it wants to create start wearing thin.

Which is, in all honesty is not a good thing. I remember in writing class, Michael Burke stressed so strongly about being able to hook your audience with every scene - meaning every scene should make your viewers anticipate for the next one, and get involved emotionally so that they care enough to want to watch your film to the end. El Orfanato has a good start before the timeline is screwed, but hmmm... maybe I'm just not a big fan of timeline jumps (they annoy the hell out of me) However, the story picks up pace (in between CRAZY BEAUTIFUL, UNNECESSARY SCENES like the 300-esque underwater shots with Laura swimming, random Super8 sequences of the children who lived in the house, infrared footages of the medium trying to get in touch with the other worldly occupants - TOTALLY mish mashing the film's camera aesthetics and stylistic consistency) finally hits its high note with a shocking reveal to the discovery of Simon in the end.

(and this was despite its eerie resemblance to last final scenes of Nakata Hideo's The Ring-every horror film since seems to be an homage to this rare Japanese gem in YEARS. Hmm.)

That made the $11.50 ticket price worth every penny (that's RM40, now doesn't the thought of that just hurt). But of course that particular "hmmm, maybe this film isn't so bad afterall" feeling had to be marred by two additional scenes which gave the entire film an 'up' ending ('up' simply means positive, meaning you leave the cinema hall never to think about the story you just paid a whopping RM40 for, a 'down' ending is the exact opposite - you get mad because the ending was not what you expected hence you leave the cinema hall feeling aggravated, and an 'ambiguous' ending is an open ended closure to film sort of? leading to hour long discussions and debates over teh-tariks or flamboyant NY flavoured teas, whichever tickles your fancy)

I'm still annoyed.
Next on my list - the Coen brothers' No Country for Old Men, the first American film I'm going to watch in the cinema after Lust, Caution (Chinese), The Diving Bell and the Butterfly and Persepolis (both in French respectively) and El Orfanato (Spanish).

I wonder how hard it is to make it here, being a minority and foreigner. But Ang Lee cracked it and he is a Tisch graduate alum, so there must be hope.
Or isn't there?

i am grossing out myself..

by staying in bed for the past 48 hours.

I have done absolutely NOTHING productive that it's beginning to scare the wits out of me! I felt that I sort of needed time to readjust my body and mind after the exhausting shoot on a second year film in Jersey all through out last week, but now doing nothing is just driving me berserk.

No, really.

:(

The shoot was intense, but all four days consisted of interior shots around a nice, big house in Little Silver, New Jersey. It took me 15 minutes from home to Penn Station, and another hour and a half to get to location, but I guess it was all worth it because I did learn a whole new spectrum of things, especially about lighting. The crew and cast were a fun bunch, food was good, there wasn't much pressure involved although I was AC (camera assistant, right hand man to the director of photography) so I'd say it was a good winter break working gig, although the only thing that disturbed me the most was walking along 4th West subway train station to reach my apartment to the sight of this at 3am!!!

Absolutely freaky, no? It was in a window display from the Kimmel Student Centre I think, which featured various random works of art.
Well anyway, after catching up on sleep on Sunday morning, I went out for dinner at Mara's Homemade - a Cajun restaurant (southern/soul food) with Ummi and Ruth (a Malaysian and Singaporean who just graduated from Parsons last year, and are now designers) and an annoying PJ boy they picked up along the way. It was drizzling and I was feeling slightly light headed due to over-sleeping, and they had been there half an hour before I got there and ordered an appetizer which looked like fried chicken/fish but guess what it was?

GATOR MEAT.
Like, alligator. Those ugly, long snouted creatures which lurk in swamps and strangle their preys before swallowing them whole. I only had one bite before having them tell me it was gator meat. (Lindsay, in a phone call later, asked me, "Wow, is that even halal?") The rest of the food, which came with a hefty price tag was pretty good - roasted chicken, turkey and meat, and a fantabulously delish shrimp thing soaked in glorious buttery sauce, which we dipped bread in. Later we hung around a hookah lounge somewhere in the Lower East Side - a hookah is basically what would be known as shisha back home (which is something I don't enjoy very much, I totally remember back in MMU, Bob and Wanie persuaded Yan and me to try it at Uncle Don's in Hartamas, which resulted in headaches right after).

So the next day we were supposed to hang out some more because Joon, the annoying PJ boy was in NY from Oregon for two weeks, and wanted to go sight seeing so Ummi thought it would be a good idea to bring him around 5th Ave, where Gucci, Coach and all the big name stores were located at. But apparently Ruth had been arrested that morning since she bumped into a cop on the way down the stairs in a subway station and was detained in a detention cell somewhere in Canal Street, so Ummi had to correspond with the Singaporean consulate to get her out of it, without having to post a bail which would have cost $10 000. I mean, how ridiculous is that?! Cops in NY are really intimidating, and it makes me really mad that some of them are minorities with the need to abuse their power to insure some sort of security or standing in the society. Last two weeks Eirik, my classmate woke up with a big metal gun pointing at his face at 6am (in his own home!!!) because he had forgotten to close his front door shut, and the neighbours thought his apartment had been broken in, and alerted the cops. If it were me I'd been crying like an idiot, but these two people just laughed and scoffed it off (on separate occasions) with Eirik saying, "It was exciting for me, now I know how the society works here!" and Ruth's "I really didn't mind if they had wanted to deport me back to Singapore!!"

So while waiting for Ruth to be released we had cheap sushi at St. Mark's (in the East Village) and had wanted to go to Teany Cafe (owned by Moby) for cakes but it was closed! So we ended up going to the Cake Shop instead, a retro/rock inspired vegan cake plus record store shop for chocolate cake!!

The next day was Christmas, and I was all pumped up to go ice-skating in Bryant Park, but when I got there the line was snaking and nobody wanted to wait in the cold, so we went to watch Persepolis, an animated feature length film which I have been waiting for since forever!!! Persepolis follows the life of Marjane Satrapi (director/writer/artist who drew the graphic novels) who went through the Iranian revolution. I really liked the off-beat humor, but in some ways it was portraying Islam in harsh light (perhaps because that time the Islamic fundamentalists were in reign after the fall of the Shah) And for Christmas, the cinema was FULL. Another thought to ponder upon, NYC was full of merry-makers which consisted of foreigners and tourists who were all eager to get a piece of this city while the rest of the bonafide dwellers were indoors Christmas carolling and drinking eggnog and whatnots.

Rest aside, I am really getting tired of just staying in bed, because it's sort of getting into me right now - the dizzy spells and harrowing light flashes and blackouts. Hopefully I'll get to do something productive tomorrow - like scour Chinatown for ingredients to make nasi lemak, or a good hour long run in the gym and find time to catch The Orphanage at Sunshine Cinema later during the day!! It's a new horror film by upcoming Spanish director Juan Antonio Bayona, and produced by Guillermo Del Toro, who directed Pan's Labyrinth (which I watched on the boyfriend's computer because I overslept the night we were supposed to go the cinema to watch it, and how horrifyingly disturbing and beautiful, that was)

Ah! But I also want to watch Coppola's Youth without Youth and the new Coen brothers film, No Country for Old Men! So many movies to watch, yet so little money :( But yes, horror films will always get top priority in my list!! What makes it even harder is living 5 minutes away from Angelika and 10 minutes away from Sunshine Cinema (art house/indie theaters) and 15 minutes from Regal Union (which I've never been to yet, because that's for your usual popcorn mainstream fare)

Watched Knocked Up yesterday, and honestly speaking I've lost interest in watching mainstream comedy flicks. They're just so boring and there's no plot twist or resolution which ultimately results in the lack of viewing satisfaction. Sighness.

Off to terrorize the little kitty for now, until I fall asleep. Toodles!

winter break and whatnots.

School is officially out, and this is what I've been currently listening to. Not exactly what I would say indie, or imaginative, but it's decent... at the very most. With evaluations of my first NYU film falling somewhat short below expectations, the weekend ended in an almost drunken stupor: the awkward prom/potluck do in Brooklyn, the lavish dinner party in midtown Manhattan and 1st Year MOS Marathon (where everyone in the class screened their films).

Standing in the lounge after the screening yesterday after exchanging Secret Santa gifts, the moment sort of passed me in a blur - people laughing and talking and drinking and toasting and dear God has it really been 4 months?

I felt myself drowning almost, in an uncertain sea of mixed feelings, and complete oblivion. This is the life I have subjected myself into, this is what it will look like in many, many years to come, should God permit me to live that long.

Humm.

Four hours later I find myself walking idly along the isles of Morton Williams, picking out ice-cream and sour cream and onion rippled chips - feeling completely at ease and in peace. Strange how the most insignificant and overlooked upon event of my mundane life can become the source of comfort in this strangely alien city.

I really, really miss home.

:(

But here's the bundle of white, furry joy that I'll have for the next three weeks. Her name is Baby, and she is as playful and as hyper as Gondry back home. But of course, Gondry is way cuter with his fat schmucky face and round pity-me eyes (with the exception of his incessant need to be fed at 5am every morning)


As the lead actress of my film would say, "besos!"

removed.

The past two weeks have been such madness, and the feelings of desolation are sort of closing in on me, if that makes any sense at all.

Maybe it is just me, but people seem colder, and it is hard not to feel 'removed'. I find myself not wanting to talk and connect with people anymore. Because the slightest exchange of words/favors/kindness appear more superficial than ever before - and I despise that, that awful gush of insincerity that appears so crystal in their eyes, as much as their mouth (and body) will to mask it.

One thing I've understood now is that I WILL NEVER EVER ask people for help anymore. It's hard enough being here alone, life just gets more miserable when I can't depend on anyone (or anything for that matter) for help, or support.

It makes me sick, and if it wasn't for Steve with his genuine emails of concern and daily conversations with my better half hundreds of thousands of miles away,
I think I would have crumbled underneath all this rubble of peer pressure, and the need to please others.

And at this point I use all of my courage and will power to believe in God more than anything else, that these are merely tests for greater things to come.

God is Great, and He is the Most Merciful.