I love...

Distracting myself from work that should be done, and done immediately.

//
It's been a tiring day, but a better one than yesterday. The 3-hour shouting match across continents last night has left me feeling weary, and hateful of my ignorant self. I must learn not to be so overly complex in character - up to the point that I hurt the one I care about the most, by hurling countless accusations on the basis of nothing just to feel better about myself. It's terrifying, how emotionally dependent I have become towards him - but it's even more terrifying actually, realizing what a heartless person I have turned into.

But enough of wallowing in self-pity - of wasting time analyzing bygones.
The trick is to move on, and hope that in time, maturity will set its foot and things will better in the future.

//
"But what if there isn't another month, or another year?"
"Why talk about death, when you can talk about life? Why waste time in talking in the uncertain, in things that we have no control of?"

//
Eventhough there's like a gazillion of actors in New York, only a handful are really talented, and capable of bringing your characters to life. If there is a more tiring/stressful part in filmmaking, it would be casting. My classmates go through rounds and rounds of auditions just to meet the perfect actors. I don't think I've ever been that ambitious.. mainly because I was lazy (I guess that's the Melayu in me...) But with this script where the stakes are higher - I've been tirelessly searching for good actors.

My first round was a complete disaster - none of them even looked the part, or were even close to the age. It's funny how all these people have their headshots photoshopped to death, and when you see them in person they look nothing like their pictures! But today was better. And I'm liking one actress a lot... but I'm not too sure. I haven't found my Kurt yet (he's the hipster boy in my script). I only met two actors... and one of them is just too super cute but completely inexperienced, and one of them is a Tisch undergrad in the drama department who's not so pretty looking... ergh. I don't know what I should do!!!
Sigh.

I. hate. casting.

//
"Well here's what I imagined when I talk to JFranc*... I would be in the elevator, and he would ask me, 'you're a second year, right?' and I would say, 'yes..' and he'd go, 'where are you from?' and i'd answer, 'Malaysia.. do you know where that is?' "
And then she says,
"For me, he'd come up to me, asking, 'you're Chloe, right?' and I'd go, 'And.. you're James?'"
so
//
so silly.

*nama samaran
The cat is curled up on my bed, and thank goodness she is here. We fall asleep together in the dark. In these cold, wintery nights, her steady breathing and soft grey/blue furcoat against my cheek are my only sources of comfort.