nak lepas geram!

Heheh sebenarnye memang tak elok nak cakap pasal orang, tapi I feel like I have to absolutely vent somewhere...

Anyway!! I'm getting hitched in 3 FREAKING DAYS. It's crazeeeeeeeeee!! I have so, so many things to do and I only start taking leave from work Thursday onwards! I haven't even cleaned up anything :(

But everything is progressing fine and I hope things will go on smoothly, insyaAllah!!

So, I knew I had to send out cards to the people whom I care about, whom I would want to attend my reception!!

And I knew I shouldn't take anything personally or anything too hard or have high ass expectations and then be disappointed.

Thing is what if those people couldn't give a rat's ass about even saying "hey, thanks for the invite. UNFORTUNATELY I won't be able to make it because _ fill in the blank_" an apology would have been sufficient!!! Ni senyap je. Cam hipokrit pun ade gak -_-

Mestilah rasa geram, tak puas hati, kecik hati - kita dah susah2 poskan kad semua pastu selambe je buat tak kisah ye takkkk!!!??

Then when I think about it again, well, my CLOSEST friends are coming. My nearest and dearest :) So that I should be happy about. And I appreciate so much those yang actually took time to tell me that they won't be able to make it. It's fine -- I'm not forcing anyone to come, I know it's pretty far away for some, and not everyone can travel.

Also -- when I think about it again orang yang can't give a flying feck about saying sorry ke ape... well I haven't really spoken them in eons, haven't really said more than a few sentences so.. why should I terasa at all pun?? But mmmh well, not going to put anymore effort into inviting them to anything anymore.. consider yourselves

blacklisted.

-_-

Hello.

Hello everyone!

Wow, has it really been 4 months since my last entry?

Let's just say my life has gone through a whirlwind - it hasn't slowed down for one second and I haven't even had time to breathe, to say the least. Months of November and December were filled with sleepless nights of finishing up my thesis film. I also spent a great deal of time reconnecting with a very dear friend - many nights were spent having meaningful conversations over fancy dinners, coffee and desserts. Not to forget our successful Christmas shindig, where we braved the crowd at Wholefoods and cooked up a storm of a Christmas feast. Then came the snowstorm - which I did not enjoy but am glad to have experienced!

It's nice to look back and remember the really good times in my last few months in New York! Everything seems almost dream-like - it's hard to imagine now how it feels like to be living that life at all! I think I stepped back once a few times trying to encapsulate all the distinct emotions, colors, ambience into pocketful of memories that I would bring home with me.. and now well, having said that - my 42 + months of living abroad was invaluable and at the end of the day, I am grateful for that experience to have made me the person that I am today.

OK! ENOUGH with the formal language! :P

I had the best going away party ever - in Lower East Side, where I screened my thesis film (something that turned out exactly how I expected it to - yes, I could have done so much more, but every project is a learning curve - it makes me want to write better scripts and produce better films) So many turned up and that could have not made my party/screening any sweeter :) The owners of the place even offered to cut me a deal if I could bring in as many people for their screenings! After that was a long week of packing madness - sending out my boxes out to be shipped, taking care of Puji's travelling documents - running around getting last minute things, finally finding a tenant to take over the lease of my apartment - well, it was crazy to say the least. I wasn't at all emotional - but I remember the last weekend I was there before I was scheduled to fly home the next day, I went to school to clear up my locker and then it really came down hard on me - that this long, arduous path/adventure had come to an end and I would have to move on from it to bigger and better things.

Which brings me to this current day!

I have been dreading the job since day 1 - and now I am paying my dues for my expensive New York education. At first, I thought it wasn't all too bad.. surely, they don't bother me and make me do things I don't want to do, but it is unfortunate that in this environment I am in it's really not about the students but really about Key Performance Indexes. And also no one is interested in making movies as they are in analyzing films and publishing them in (high-impact) journals. Honestly, this is the least creative/lowest stress workplace that I have been in! I'm sad and annoyed at the same time, but I pretty much have to make do with what I'm given.

But on to more exciting things, I AM thankful that this job has given me the flexibility that I need to exercise my creative pursuits! I'm really excited that I'll be back on set after 5 months - directing a music video for this dude (whom I thought was a really pompous self indulgent person not knowing him personally from before - but I've been proven wrong and he is great fun to hang out with) Before that I also signed up to work on a cooking show (people are surprised when I tell them this) but the pay is lucrative although now meeting and talking to people who work in the industry - on the grander scheme of things it's still very little money (which means my pay as a lecturer now is peanuts - perhaps comparable to that of what I made as a babysitter in New York)

Other than that, I had a slight taste of what it would be like to be a famous filmmaker. I had my first radio and tv interviews two weeks ago! SO MUCH FUN! Although I've just realized how bad my English has become since coming back... :(

Ergh I have to much more to say but I can't seem to collect my thoughts. Also, I left my charger at home and my computer has 20 good minutes left before it goes to sleep! I'll save those stories for a different day :)

OH! Biggest news of all! :)

In exactly a month I'll be married to my sound boy :)

OK! Enough for now - here's a picture of the last street I lived on.

I miss you Bushwick!!

Waiting..

So I already missed my 5pm deadline to turn in my cut for my film!
I had called the chair's assistant then kene marah! Hwa!! Bodoh punya FCP render slow mcm haram!! Nasib baik it's ok to put it in her mailbox... but it means I have to go tonight, out in the freezing ass cold all the way to the city!! :(

Now, everyone watch Ahmad Idham's new movie 'Aku Masih Dara' (his 5th gazillion film this year) What the fuck is wrong with his movies?!! Haaa geram gila ok!! It makes me soooooo mad!!! The other day I got bored and was looking for a distraction, I had read in a review somewhere that his 'Niyang Rapik' wasn't exactly pure crap... so through devious means I watched it. What a waste of 90 minutes of my precious life. It is such a joke. SUCH A JOKE AND NOW NAK BUAT FILEM MACAM NI!?!?!?! Dah la it's already almost 2011, still guna teknik dubbing (dah la tak kisah pasal sync dengan the lips ke tak!! Ikut sukaaaaaa je!!!), pastu lighting semua cam gile babi hodoh, coverage -- master shot, two over the shoulders, skrip & jalan cerita macam he just thought of them overnight -- FINAS or.. wherever he is getting his funding from must immediately stop so he will stop producing craptastic bullshit films. PLEASE!!!!!!!! OMG lepas tu ada hati nak jadi KP FINAS a few months ago?!? OMG I would so mogok and stage a protest "INDUSTRI FILEM MALAYSIA SUDAH MATI" -- and put flowers in front of FINAS punya guardhouse, with a big ass condolence card.



Sorry lah, I'm totally ranting after watching this trailer. Dah la ciplak idea Nur Kasih, and as much as I want to understand that imitation is a form of flattery this is pure plagiarism. Sudah-sudahlah nak bagi 'pengajaran bagi golongan muda' by showing thighs and tits. That's enough exploitation of the women's sexuality in a Muslim country!! EEEEEEEE @$ @#%#$%$#^%#$%!!!!!!!!!!!

OK dah. Bai everyone gotta burn my DVDs. Please play that I can lepas my thesis review next week and graduate. Aminnnn.

skincare regimen 101

It's a Sunday morning and I'm MALAS and LAZY and BORED and blah blah blah blah
since Kat started posting about skincare products, I'm going to share how I finally achieved clear, pimple, blemish free skin after 26 years :)

Believe me when I say I've really tried everything on my skin and always had had to deal with dry, spotty complexion for the longest time, which was really embarrassing (especially when I was working as a beauty/copy writer a few years back!) Howevah, for the past year I've cleared my bathroom shelves free of masks, expensive creams, cleansers, toners, etc that have been eating up space, time, and purse - and truthfully my skin has never looked better!! And all I did was be a little diligent in my google searches - and stumbled upon www.acne.org and found this thread http://www.acne.org/messageboard/OMG-GUYS-THIS-t35135.html. OK, so I was skeptical at first, but it works. It does!

Here is a step by step routine:
1) Cleanser (any off the counter, cheap cleanser would do -- I use this:
I think kat Watsons ade kot yang less than RM15. Murah je. Tak payah pakai Clinique ke ape2. = $8

2) Scrub: I use baking soda. It might seem a little harsh, but honestly there is nothing better than going back to the very basics. $0.99

3) Use apple cider vinegar (plus a little water) as a natural toner = $1.69

After that, it's just some 0.2% benzyl peroxide in copious amounts and wallah!! Don't forget moisturizer and sun screen, of course (because I'm a lazy person I use a combination of both.. been using Kiehl's -- mengada2 nak try but so mahal, any moisturizer would do)

Tu je la!! And it worksssss tremendously, I wouldn't recommend anything else. But of course, everyone's skin is different, so, to each of her own!

Heheh lawak tak my first regiment entry.. kakakakkak ok la next time I write about movies, making movies and whining je la ye. Hehe.

Anyway, everyone get ready for MGMT this marchhhhh.... it's Brooklyn reprezent!!
OK now I go mandi.. nak tengah hari dah ni..

I always, always -

Have problems with my freaking American locker at school!!!
Usually after three or four tries, someone usually comes to the rescue! From my classmates to the chair of grad program, and many many more!

So today-

"Well, I practised doing this all the time in American schools.."

WHY, THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME that I'm obviously not from AMERICA!

But then again, nasib baik kau comel. And nice enough to hover next to me, "I'm going to stand right here to make sure you know how to do it."

As much as I hate to say it... yes I will miss random moments like these.
When the random cute boy strolls to help me open my locker combination!!

Le sigh.

mengantuk!

Salam Aidiladha semua!
I know it's been FOREVER since I've written anything - yes it's been a rough month!
However, needless to say that my shoot went as smooth as I'd hoped for it to be -- syukur alhamdulllillaaaaaaaaah. No major kinks, just a speeding ticket, a couple of anxiety attacks (not me, one of my producers!) and now, close to 10pm I'm still at school transcoding my footage. I got really sick last weekend (the doctor asked me twice -- "are you sure you're not pregnant? positive?" in my dire state I almost fell off the examining bed laughing -- the answer is NO LAH! gile ke hape) yes, stomach viruses SUCK. So does dehydration. Of course, stomach flu is even worse (which I've gone through before) but ok! I'm just glad I've recovered. Now to adjust my unhealthy eating habits of late -- too many takeouts and YamYams!!! (ala yang biskut panjang2 celup dalam cokelat!)

ANYWAY.
Time to roll in the color palettes, and the works!! Whopeee! There's nothing that I like better than party planning. Now this one of course will come after 'Goodbye NY, Forever - Or Maybe Later' shindig soon-ishhh.

Fill you guys in soon!
Have fun eating rendang and soto and what not!!

xoxo

Of the good and bad.

OK, because this is my blog I think I'm allowed to rant all I want.

I guess I shouldn't have been so idealistic about things... honestly, it is very hard to keep positive when problems keep coming up one after the other - and beat you down!!! So today not only did I lose a DP, two of my very good friends also backed out - for reasons that are not valid, and that I absolutely cannot comprehend.

I hate the way film school works - you work on my set, and I will work on yours. Because there isn't an exchange of cold hard cash, everything runs on barter trades. That's why I am so, so disappointed and upset with my classmates - I feel that I have been there to work really hard on their sets and now they can't be on mine... and now I am scrambling to put together a crew, and I'd be lucky if I can even fill the key positions!!! AAAAAAAGH!!!! I'm so stressed out!!

It's so dumb, I wish I could have seen this coming sooner, then maybe I would have been more prepared... I am now more wary of helping out others. It's not a very pleasant feeling when you would not think twice about helping a friend - but they won't do shit for you!!! CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS. Right now I am only so grateful that my producer (and his producing partner - both of who are also my classmates) aren't flaking out... I would be in serious trouble if they did.

I'm so sad :(

I don't know what to do!! I've had enough of New York and its flaky people.
Just frickin tired and sick of it.

:(

off to sleep this heartache away :(

ayo!

OK.. first up, Selamat Hari Raya everyone!

Sorry, I'm like a week late... well just because mine was a rather subdued affair, as always. Went to the Consulate for some sorry excuse of a raya spread, then to watch The Last Exorcism with Ummi, Nadrah and Nadi... which was the more enjoyable part of the day!

Other than that, the week has flown by so swiftly! I had auditions, made my target goal on kickstarter (thank you friends!! *hearts*) and am finally super close to script locking...!! Now, opportunity has presented itself in two ways - should I go to Cleveland next week to meet my favorite PR contestant Valerie?! Or, do I stay and not spend any money and work on my thesis? Decisions! Decisions!

:(

By the by, I have started working. This picture is of the child that I take care of from 3.30pm to 6.30pm every day. It's not too bad, because I get to decide what we get to do. So far we've hung out at the Waterfront Plaza near her school (overlooking the East River) walked around the West Village and had Pink Berry, and yesterday we hung out at Highline for some pumpkin spiced doughnuts with cream cheese icing... so it's all good. Not too bad for a job that doesn't pay my rent! Haha!

So there was a tornado which I was totally unaware of!! I had my back leaned against my window watching ANTM and felt the walls shaking and thought it was just a heavy downpour or storm... and then realized it was a tornado!!! My neighbourhood got damaged pretty bad but I'm glad I made it back to Brooklyn before the tornado tore through New York!!! Crazy!!!

Ugh, this is a random, random post. Mostly because there's just way too much stuff that I have to get done before I can go rock-hunting! Ah!! Can't wait for the month/Oct/November to end. Like, seriously.

OK. Over and out.

MY WORLD IS FALLING APART!!!

I'm so stressed and tired!!

So pooped :(
Today was also my first job as a babysitter!
But the kid is a pretty neat 11 year old, so I'm not too worried.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
raya is like the last thing on my mind right now!!!!

26 Ramadan

An old classmate, Raihana Zainudin, was involved in a car accident and passed away (along with an unborn child) We weren't close/kept in touch after school, but we were friends on facebook and she'd just gotten married earlier in the year. She was a really, really sweet person, and this should be a strong reminder for everyone - that life is so, so so short.

innalillahiwainnailaihirojiun.




RE/EDIT -
It's 11.39pm dah.. omg tiba-tiba rasa sebak gile2... kat sini berkejaran/menharapkan benda2 duniawi.. padahal persediaan utk mati belum lagi.. :( Dari Allah kita datang,dan kepadaAllah jualah kita kembali". to all ex-georgians tolong sedekahkan fatihah untuk arwah ye.. moga2 ditempatkan dgn orang2 yg beriman..

Updates..

Wow, pejam celik pejam celik, dah tiga minggu setengah jadi jobless... honestly speaking, it's great getting more than enough hours of sleep that I am usually used to. But then I'm becoming an absolute sloth. I can't really go to the gym/run/work out because it's too hot outside and I'm still fasting, so I stay indoors with my AC on and it's hard not to fall asleep during the day (something that I have never done since I started living in New York)

And look! It's 3.20am and I'm wide awake, thanks to some very strong coffee.. (thinking I was going to write a new draft of my script, but.. oh well)

So far, so good. A total of 64 backers, $2150 pledged. But I'm getting worried because I have to raise roughly $1350 to reach a total of $3500 before I can get the money. Don't know if I will get enough people to pledge. It's nauseating also because I feel that I am a very *COUGH* private person (well I mean, I'm not the type to just strike a conversation with anyone I have never met before) but I'm being taught (by my more tweetvarsable better half, of course, who doesn't speak much in real life) to be all chatty to people on twitter (add me! @wayangworks) so that I'll be able to spread the word and get more people to pledge. But still! It's very overwhelming!! For the longest time I've been wanting to keep myself under the radar because I haven't felt like my body of work is worth flaunting off but aaaaaah. Seriously I think to make it I just have to learn to buat muka tebal and angkut bakul sendiri lah. Perangai malu-malu kucing ni hasn't brought me anywhere pun kan? Haishhh.

But recently over dinner with an upperclassman who worked with John Sayles said that I should really save this whole 'filmmaking student from NY' deal and just present myself as a filmmaker. At least people will think that I am more legit that way... in some way or the other I can't help but agree with her...

Anyway, I can't deal with being jobless.. seriously. I think I've been told that I can make my thesis film a full time job, but right now my crew is still in shambles and progress is very slow. On the flipside I have two producers instead of just one now, for which I am very grateful. The whole actor situation thing hasn't worked out yet... and ok, I would tell the whole story again here, now, but I think I'm going to save him some face and skip how inefficient and unprofessional this one actor has been. It's not very cool dude... not very cool at all. The least you can do is apologize for throwing me under the bus... :( but I guess tu lah. Perangai Melayu la kot.

Another week passing by... here's to hoping things start moving a bit faster. And I am so desperate for a job. Really.

Le sigh..

Tipping over the edge

Quite literally, I must say.
Although all this overwhelming support that I am getting is truly a blessing, coming closer to production with everything still hanging up in the air is driving me off the edge!!!

I don't even sleep tight at night, I am constantly waiting for my phone to vibrate with new emails (now I am a super-paranoid chronic email checker, to say the least) indicating that I have new backers, or even hearing back from my producers and the people that I've been reaching out to.

I am so so so scared!! :( That this won't happen for some reason.. :(
It's so hard to stay positive! Maybe I'm just being anal, but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OK.
Other than that, here's some of the funny job offers I've stumbled upon:
1) Cashier at a deli for $8 an hour (12 hours each Saturday and Sunday)
2) Full time nanny for the most ADORABLE Jewish kids (those who rattle in perfect Hebrew)
3) Cashier at a burger joint
4) Personal assistant for a 30+ year old exec from the Bronx ... lots of heavy lugging and postal services for peanuts of a salary

I am hoping against hope to get this writing gig soon. If not... maknanya makan pasir lah nanti :(

Wow, kita dah puasa nak dekat dua minggu. Craziness!!!
Thank you lovelies. Especially those yang dah pledge on my kickstarter page. I heart you guys a LOT!! HEART HEART HEART!!

ok kita tidoq dulu na.

SPECIAL AND URGENT REQUEST!!

OK my lovely readers, of all ages.
As you all know and have read, money has always been an issue with me eversince I started living in New York.

Money, or rather, the lack of money.
(no thanks to my sponsors, USM and KPT. you guys can go.. hmphhhhhhhhh!)

I've always wanted to make a Malaysian film set in New York, and beginning of last year, I started visualizing a script - that would revolve entirely around the pivotal issue of money, and also the harsh realities of living in this city that never sleeps.

How living in New York has taught me - that when it comes down to it, it's all about tough
loving.

And quite honestly, the simple, animalistic need to survive.

SO. Coming to my main point.
Because I am on the verge of being entirely BROKE,
I really really need all of the support that I can get to ensure that I will graduate with a Masters of Fine Arts (Film &TV) degree from NYU... and honestly that can only happen with the help of all you!! Dear friends & family & silent readers from all across this globe...

Go to this page --

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/hujanpanas/hujan-panas-afternoon-rain-sos/

I know money is hard to come by and trust me, I would know :P
But a minimum of $5 (RM16) is all I ask from you!!

I promise undying gratitude, eternal friendship, and a pledge to help you in any way that is to my mental/physical capability (eh betul ke ni??)

Think of all the good memories and times that we've shared and I'm sure in the gargantuan amount of kindness that lies in each and everyone of your hearts, you'll find some space to pledge your support... (and a bit of cash also lah, boleh kannnn??)

SAYANG SEMUAAAAAAA!!!

MWAHMWAHMWAHHHHHHHHXOXO

What is happening to me?

I really don't know, but why do I get super pening and rasa nak pitam since puasa started?
Earlier today I had to go to the city to pick some DVDs, and eventhough it wasn't a super hot day ('twas quite nice actually, cool breezy winds all around... my favourite boots/layers-wearing season is almost here!) I felt super lathergic. (Dr A -- although you are currently on vacation, can I get a free diagnosis? :P)

So I went to the dingy basement office in Chinatown, and for $60, I can get a job working as a cashier for 24 hour weekends at a deli in Manhattan for $8 an hour. I'm not sure if I should take it yet though... :( I'll see if I can get a babysitting job or something soon (not that I have any experience whatsoever) I have been thinking and working hard for my film too (thanks for the well wishes guys!!) and I may seem calm (but I've started having sleepless nights/anxiety attacks over it though.. ) And omg, I want to hit myself for picking an actor who's making probably RM100,000 a year and is constantly shooting something! I mean good for him, but... the least he can do is give me some face time and say 'YES' or 'NO'. Ni nak draaaaaaaag along and his manager, despite seeming like a nice kid/agent in the making is potentially hopeless and does not know how to respond to emails (who uses hotmail these days anyway?) It's driving me off the wall. Like, seriously.

OK, you guys do know I'm rambling because (A) I malas nak buat keje (B) I love to distract myself from tasks at hand..
So, bear with me!

Weird story last week that I had forgotten to write about. Remember I told you guys about that kid who made me go crazy? The big nerdy kid whom I had to take care of, and produce a puny film for? Well the day of the screening (last Friday, in which I played Fake Proud Parent to two kids whose parents couldn't afford flight tickets to NY for their screening) this girl (who was in my crew the week of their music video shoot - their second week assignment, in which I produced a totally kick ass video! but, that's a different story) who's well, let's just say... is kind of booby (but she's not the type who flaunts her assets around, so I salute her for that) was sobbing out of the screening hall... I mean, I knew she was kind of a big baby, but this time she was bawling her eyes out. And later I found out that that annoying kid (the big goofy one) had dedicated a full entry on his blog (now taken off) about this girl's boobies... I mean, how SICK is that? So he was sent home before the screening even started, and I feel so sorry for his embarrassed parents... but not sorry for the kid! That ought to teach him how not to do things without thinking twice! I guess that's payback enough for all the times I've felt like socking it in his face!!! Oh before that, I totally had a Grey's Anatomy fan moment when Dr Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson) just appeared out of the elevator at Tisch that Friday afternoon. I almost squealed in a true teenybopper fashion... but being me and my awkwardness around famous people, I pretended I didn't know who she was! SO SILLY OF ME.

Hmmm.. you know I'm always regaled with horror stories of producers who give great big promises and... well I guess I got a taste of that when I was home trying to raise this crazy insane amount of money. Promises of "hey, we'll commit to this, I'll give you a writing contract soon, I believe you have all this talent... " and when it came down it: absolute SILENCE. Email after email - I was never responded with clear cut answers. I mean, if my script wasn't good enough, I think I'd appreciate at least a rejection email, but no - this was beating around the bush and not saying it out straight. I was so sad!!! I had so much high hopes that probably this could be a flourishing producer-director relationship- but, no. Nothing of that sort. The only feeling that I had was - GILA KECIK HATI OK. But then, whatcha gonna do? Just move along and deal with it - producers/exec producers/people with money are going to be like that in this business and if I don't toughen up, I might as well just stay a pensyarah at a crappy *COUGH* apex university who's administration is sloppy as hell..

OK. Random story for the day. But I've been meaning to get this off my chest. But as a result/retaliation - albeit in a very childish way - I completely didn't finish a writing job in which I was already paid for. It's horrible, but hey, for the rest of the work that I did and wasn't paid for... I believe it evened everything out.

Colors - what do you guys think? Too feminine?? Opalescent is what this theme is called!!


NO IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!! It could be colors for my future apartment..

:P

OK I'm done writing and I should be getting back to doing SOME form of work..
Laters! xo

Actually...

Macam banyak benda nak cerita sebenarnya. But it's 12.50AM and I just want to sleep. On a good note I've finally started a checklist! :)

I really don't know how I'm going to pull this off, but in the mean time.. nah, korang tengok lah ni... selamat berpuasa ya'll.. because I have lost touch with the world outside I actually terpuasa a day awal.. hahaha!! (cet, mana nak tau puasa kat sini hari khamis baru start)

Hujan Panas (Afternoon Rain) Teaser 2010 from on Vimeo.

3 days to being jobless.

OK, I am so exhausted beyond words. Trying to shoot four shorts in four days already seemed like an impossibly impossible task, but throw in four whiny 17 year olds in there, and I am this close to losing my sanity.

(and when will I ever learn not to wear Chucks on shoots? End of the day balik dengan kaki lebam and blisters. Stupid me!)

Trust me when I say that I've had to physically strain myself to not throw a punch into one kid's face. Seriously. Not only was he ignorant and arrogant - he's also of the big awkward nerdy in glasses mommy's boy kind. Macam nak lempang pun ada gak. Nasib baik aku ni ada gak rasa berprikemanusiaan tengok muka 20 sen kau. Kalau tak dah lama aku humban masuk tasik semalam kat Central Park. EEEEEE GERAM!! Degil nak mampus!!! Oh my god, I keep thinking, if I have a child as stubborn as this, what in the world would I do??

Anyway, I know I have like loads of stuff I should be doing, but today I just needed a whole 24 hours to recover.. and finally had time to retrieve my package from the post office. This bright pink gym bag came in a bright hot pink packaging nonetheless! He's bribing me to go to the gym...!! I guess that's motivation... it's horrible really, whenever I'm extremely tired I just want to comfort myself with really bad artery clogging food. Like today it was cheap fried chicken, mashed potatoes, large iced-coffee, a diet rootbeer and Kinder Buenos. Argh!!!!

Oh, btw, everyone say hello to Puji!! She's chillin there by the window in the picture. That's my new cat!! I share her with Nana, my ex roomie who lives three blocks away. She is an annoying cat who likes to bite but loves being affectionate to strangers. She doesn't stink up my room so bad, and keeps me company by sleeping by my feet at night. So I guess she's an okay kitty.

I've forced myself not to write anything depressing just yet, because today I feel very nonchalant and blase about things.. wow I would love a massage right now. Too bad I can't freakin afford it!! Sob.

wow!

shit is hitting the roof!
one bad news after the other.. seriously!
1) kene maki dgn vice consul dari Malaysian Consulate in NY
2) dapat surat from KPT saying that they will give me an extension.. without living allowance.. so, either (a) I can't shoot my thesis in September, (b) I have no money left to live here unless I find a paying job/hustle for paid shooting gigs, (c) I never graduate
3) my actor just emailed saying he might not be able to make it.. of course, when he's getting paid RM20K for a picture as opposed to whatever measly compensation I have promised him to be in my short... what would the obvious choice be for him?

nice, right?
LIFE IS AMAZING!
on top of that, it's 8.10am now, and I have to go to work... to those of you who are unaware of what I've been doing for the past three weeks - being the Teaching Assistant for bratty white 17 year olds who paid USD10 000 to be in a four week summer film boot camp.

UJIAN!!!!


:(

:(

:(

I just go in between the covers and cry all day today.

NAK BALIK BALIK :(

Hahah! Nampak cam blog baru tak? I'm using this color because it reminds me of waters in Perhentian. So sejuk and calming. Tak jadi pindah pun, if I do move blogs I will let all of you know... so don't worry!!

Bencilah, datang je the weather is sweltering HOT. It's hotter than Malaysia ok. It's like 35 darjah celcius sekarang, and I don't have AC. My roommate gave me another fan, so now I have two fans blasting in my room, but still I'm practically melting with all this dry heat. It's supposed to rain Thursday and Friday and towards the weekend, so I'm definitely looking forward to that.

My flight was horrendous, save for the amazing bibimbap!!! Severe turbulence, and bayangkanlah from 13 hours because of the turbulence jadi 15 hours. Thank goodness that I got an aisle seat on both flights (KL-Incheon, Seoul-JFK) but unfortunately for me I had an annoying woman sitting next to me in the 15 hour flight, who took frequent bathroom breaks and would just tap me harshly to wake me up so I would make way for her. Grrrrreram.

I've been waking up and hoping that I am still back home!! :( Sad ok.
I haven't had the energy to go grocery shopping or pick up my cat, maybe later... work starts early Thursday morning pulak tu. Haishhhhh. And I'm sick, with a runny nose and bad sore throat in this HEAT! How can this possibly happen!!?? (and then he has the nerve to say, "you tau tak, orang kat Sahara desert tu pun dapat cold.. ni kan New York.") OK FINEEEE.

OK too much complaining. Other than that I had few amazing weeks back in Malaysia, and I am certainly looking forward to going home for good!!!

OVER AND OUT people.
Nanti lah malam-malam sikit maybe I will be more coherent. Panas ok. (PS/neraka lagi panas. ye saye tahu! :-S)

celaru. ya, amat!

I think maybe I'll move (from this site) soon. Will keep those whom I'd like to keep in touch with in the loop. Btw, dah bermalam2 mimpi si Zahiril (alaaaa that guy, yang berlakon crite KAMI tu, dia kan yang jadi budak jahat... ni lepas jumpe that day ler.. ish tatau lah, dia tu cam budak baik gile ke, cam poyo sket ke pun ada gak dengan his red chucks) Mimpi visit rumah dia lah, mimpi dia komen2 skrip lah, macam-macam lah.. apa kes?! Whatever it is, he has to go through this vetting process la kan, cannot just cast him right away, what if he is super wrong for the paaaart?? He's so tiny in person too (shorter than me) and so damn nice (tapi muka bad boy gile) OMG! DONOOOO HWAAA

A few things have been bugging me of late. But.. ok lah, lepas dah patah semangat, demam, rasa cam dunia is on top of my shoulders, etc -- ok la let's not dwell on that... today, one of my bestest friends from New York got hitched! I am so, so happy for her. So, this post about Zahiril is dedicated to her... because last year, she dragged me and my other New Yorker friend Kat all the way back to the urbanscapes entrace to look for the guy again after we had passed him on the way back... :) Weddings are so much fun.. and emotional :(

OK tu je updates. Tulisan cam sampah, but woteva lah... nanti la tulis betul2 hokeyh.

day 7/malayland

I just got off the phone with Afdlin Shauki!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH NERVESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

OK STOP HYPERVENTILATING.
STOP IT!